AFC BOURNEMOUTH - TUESDAY 02/10/07

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Following three games without a win, The Crocs kept up their tradition of going to pointless evening matches, although this time it was the relatively short journey to Bournemouth. With Dean Wilkins being put under pressure already following three disappointing games in a row, there would be no better chance to silence his critics than by taking three points for the first time at the Fitness First Stadium, against the side propping up the table. 
Mode of Transport: Following returns to University, Witham made the journey along the M27 from Portsmouth in the Witham Mobile, while McCarthy used his new Mac Mobile to take the more scenic route through the Wiltshire countryside from Cheltenham
Team: Mr Wilkins went with a 4-4-2 line up of: Kuipers, Whing, Butters, Elphick, Richards; Savage, Hammond, O'Callaghan, Cox; Forster, Revell
Kit: Bournemouth wore their famous home colors of red and black striped jerseys, black shorts and sockings. Brighton wore their all white uniforms, while Michel Kuipers went for the delightful charcoal grey and black goalkeepers number
Dean Wilkins Attire: Mr Wilkins made an appearance in the dugout in the second half, and appeared to be wearing a suit, although his top half was masked by a trench coat
Weather: Light drizzle and a fresh evening on the Dorset coast
Stadium Rating: Three equally designed stands are completed by a fourth temporary Withdean effort behind the goal, and as has been the case in recent years, this remained unused. 7/10
Food Rating: McCarthy found his lubricated penis to be of a decent standard, despite problems with the ketchup dispenser. Despite looking as though it had been uncooked, Witham found his burger to be equally pleasing. 8/10
Entertainment: A half time cross bar challenge enabled us a small amount of entertainment, although disapointingly the cheerleaders supplied on our visit two years ago were not present. 5/10 
Friendliness of Locals: After previous experiences, which included McCarthy being robbed in the town center, we were not shocked when Gemma revealed that her road was infested by pikies and a prostitution ring. Luckily, we encountered none of these locals
Standard of Local Females: Several fine specimens on offer inside the ground. 7/10
Steward Rating: As relaxed as we are likely to encounter this season, allowing the fans to just watch the game and enjoy. 9/10
Flag Attention: Our late arrival ensured any prime flag spots were taken. However, Gemma proved a superior flag bearer to Potter, and thus must be congratulated 
Match Report: A dire first half saw Brighton booed off after creating very little against their bottom of the table hosts. Despite running the game, Darren Anderton could not find a breakthrough for his Bournemouth side, and within a minute of the restart, Dean Cox gave the visitors the lead. A far better second half saw George O'Callaghan wrap up the three points following a goal mouth scramble, which strangely lead to Bas Savage celebrating
Thought of the Day: If a Jewish man decides to rescind his faith, is it possible to have a foreskin replacement operation?