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STEYNING
TOWN V CRAWLEY DOWN - SATURDAY 04/03/2006 |
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| With
Brighton away at Plymouth and McCarthy and
Witham both available, it was decided that it
was time for another non-league game. Consulting
the County League fixture list, the decision was
made that the lucky club that would be
scrutinised by the Crocs on Tour team would be
Steyning Town, as they faced Crawley Down in an
important Badger Ales Sussex County League
Division Two clash |
| Mode
of Transport: |
Tom
Witham was at the wheel, as the Witham Mobile
veered its way towards Steyning |
| Navigation: |
Fine.
The directions provided by the legendary Nomad
on-line site got us there impeccably, although
their was a moment of confusion at the beginning
as McCarthy thought for some reason that we
would be entering Steyning from the east as
opposed to the west |
| Kit: |
The
home side wore their traditional home colours of
red and white striped shirts, red shorts and red
socks. Crawley Down were in their changed strip
of all blue |
| Weather: |
A
rather fresh but clear day |
| Facilities: |
The
tea hut was one of a fine persuasion, and the
clubhouse was also quite impressive. Witham also
complimented the club on the toilets, as they
were dark which allows for all sorts of fondling
when no-one can notice. 6/10 |
| Stadium
Rating: |
Not
a bad effort for a club in Division Two, one
side was covered and featured a seating stand,
while the other three sides were open to the
elements. Flood lighting was also present. 5/10 |
| Food
Rating: |
Gerald
was on fine form in the tea hut, and cooked up
too astonishingly nice, if not rather hot,
hamburgers with cheese. 7/10 |
| Entertainment: |
None
on offer, although their was a raffle with first
prize of a bottle of lambrini. 0/10 |
| Player
who stood out: |
There
were a number, mostly for Steyning. Keith in
goal was always going to be a bit of a legend,
and this was proven whenever his side didn't get
a decision, and he would just scream the word
"AAAAAAAAAA" at the referee. Steve at
the back for Steyning was also on fine form,
giving away one goal when attempting to head the
ball when it was about a foot off the ground,
only to get his knee caught in the turf and fall
over, leaving a Crawley Down player in on goal.
He also sliced the ball out of play, and
generally seemed to be clueless about where he
was playing, wandering forward every now and
then. Also, a special mention to the Crawley
Down assistant manager, who shouted "Don't
worry, he's missed" just as a Steyning
player went to take a penalty, with the result
being that the ball was blasted over the bar in
Jonny Wilkinson fashion |
| Friendliness
of Locals: |
Rather
friendly. Although we did not get to talk to
many, the general consensus was that Steyning
was full of pleasant people, although admittedly
some were slightly pikie. 7/10 |
| Standard
of Local Females: |
There
were no young local women seen at the ground.
And the older ones were not that nice either.
1/10 |
| Flag
Attention: |
The
flag was forgotten |
| Match
Report: |
Crawley
Down overcame their hosts with a 4-1 victory at
the Shooting Field. The visitors went into half
time 1-0 up, and were out of sight midway
through the second half, leading by 3. Steyning
missed a penalty, but pulled one back, only to
see Down go straight up the other end and
score. |
| Thought
of the Day: |
We
pondered over how any Steyning player could keep
his penis from being erect when in the shower
with men like Keith and Steve, and came to the
conclusion that the only way it would be humanly
possible would be with some sort of
anti-erection tablet |
