The start of week nine in Canada also coincided with the beginning of the Gay Pride festival in Toronto - the largest of its kind in the world no less. With the amount of homosexuals, transsexuals and general weirdoes wandering the streets, I decided the best thing to do was hide indoors, and as such I visited the net cafe for a large portion of the day. My "no drinking until Canada Day" policy was beginning to take its toll, and left a lack of options with regards to what to do on a Saturday night. With this in mind, I put on my most protective pair of underwear and wandered up to explore the gay street party taking place just up the road. I was delighted with the amount of lesbians on offer, most of whom were wasting their talents unfortunately. Following this forray into the world of homosexuals, I headed back to the hostel, watched some television and headed to bed, where it was confirmed that Iain had been correct in his previous assumption - the transsexual man-woman was not just staying in the same room as me, but was infact under me - in the sense that my bunk was above its. It was at this moment that I fully appreciated the term 'backs to the wall'

A 1.07pm start for todays ball game saw me rise early. On my arrival at the Skydome, I was delighted to find out that my ticket was only two rows back, directly behind the plate, and this afforded fine views of the game, which was made even more entertaining by what can only be described as a disabled fanatic, who had covered herself in around 100 Jays pin badges, had home-made pom poms and clapped and cheered every player as if it were her husband throughout the game. But this wasn't any old game - oh no - this was dog day, in which fans are encouraged to bring their dogs along to the ball park, where they did a lap of the ground before the game. Only in North America! The Blue Jays would defeat the Colorado Rockies 5-0, with Jays pitcher Dustin McGowan giving up only one hit throughout the game. Afterwards, I wandered to the Scotiabank Theatre, where I purchased a ticket to watch WWE Vengeance on the big screen late in the evening. Before the screening commenced, I headed back to the hostel to pack my stuff for tomorrows departure from Toronto. The cinema was full of flids who I soon believed to think that wrestling was real. Two men spent around 30 minutes before the start arguing about who was the WWE Champion last year, and one particularly retarded chap felt the need to stand up every time his favourite wrestler did something and give him a thumbs up. After the wrestling, I headed back to the hostel via Pizza Pizza for an early night in order to prepare for tomorrows departure

I awoke at 7.30am for the train journey back to Niagara Falls. The train departed at 10am, and I was pleasantly surprised to find myself on the train with Alison and Graham whom I had met on my journey from Ottawa to Fort Cologne two weeks ago. VIA Rail kept up their fine record of Jewish speeds, and it took what seemed like an age to arrive at Niagara. I bid Graham and Alison a fond farewell, and headed to the hostel where I would be staying for the next two nights. Niagara is well known for its wine-growing region, and it was easy to see why as I experienced the hottest day of my trip thus far. Despite the heat, I undertook the 25 minute walk down to the Falls, and by the time I got there I was sweating like the proverbial pedophile in a playground. Luckily, the refreshing spray from the falls cooled me down, and after browsing the WWE Shop, I headed back to the hostel on a new route which proved to be even longer. This longer route, coupled with the ludicrous heat, saw no less that four drinks have to be purchased on the walk home. I spent the evening relaxing in the hostels garden, before watching Austin Powers and heading off to bed

An even hotter Tuesday followed, and the heat made it unbearable to go out. I therefore stayed in the hostel doing nothing until 5pm, when it had cooled down just about enough to venture out. Before 5pm, I purchased my Greyhound ticket to Woodstock for tomorrow, and proceeded to break a remarkable fourth pair of sun glasses, this time by standing on them. I purchased a new pair, before watching The Naked Gun on VHS. Todays trip to the falls saw me partake in the 'Behind the Falls' exhibition, in which you can explore a set of tunnels that run behind the Horseshoe Falls and allow you to get up close and personal with them. This was refreshingly wet, and was very soothing on such a blistering day. Following this, I ventured up a tower, that allowed for a 'top down' view of the falls, which was similarly pleasing. In an attempt to not drink, I instead headed for the casino, and as such replaced one vice with another. As nightfall descended, I enjoyed the magical sight of the falls being lit up with many different colors, before heading back to the hostel, where I packed up my stuff in anticipation of tomorrows 6.30am departure to Woodstock, where I would be spending a week with a McCarthy fan

Behind Niagara Falls	McCarthy behind the falls in this stunning yellow poncho
It was rather moist on the viewing platform	Looking down stream towards the Rainbow Falls
Up close and personal with Horsehoe Falls	The spray was superbly cooling
Looking over to Buffalo on the American side, and the Rainbow Falls	Horseshow Falls from the observation deck
Rainbow Falls lit up in a superb show of silver	The Horseshow in an angry yet vibrant red
And a stunning mac-i esque green

A 6.30 start from Niagara saw me head to catch a Greyhound (that's a bus, not a dog) to visit a McCarthy fan in Woodstock, a Burgess Hill-esque town near London. I made a switch of buses in a town called Burlington, before arriving in my home for the next week. On arrival, I was met with a delightful sign reading "Mr McCarthy", and with a greeting party consisting of Holly, whom I would be staying with, and her friends - Heather, Amanda, Lauren, Shane and Brent, whose name unfortunately left me chuckling to myself over many classic moments from The Office. After visiting Pizza Pizza, we headed back to Holly's house, before heading back out to the Canadian institution of Wallmart. Despite having been boiling hot on my arrival, it soon lashed down with rain. This saw us take a cab to a piercing place, where Holly had her nose pierced, before heading back and enjoying some Jack Daniels and Firebolt, a whiskey I had been unaccustomed to previously. After this, we went back out and ventured around town to a number of shops that were surprisingly open at this late hour. I then managed to wow the town with my Englishness, before heading back to Hollys for a very long sleep ahead of another action-packed today tomorrow

Thursday saw me awaken at 12.30, slightly nervous over the fact that I would be driving today. My fears were soon confirmed when, despite vowing that I wouldn't do it, the first thing I did was pilot the red Honda Civic onto the left side of the road - and immediate error that was corrected. This unsettled my passengers, as did my speed of around 40mph in a town, and I soon experienced first hand why it took so long to get anywhere in Canada due to the ludicrous speed limits. They are also not used to the British tradition of pulling out into ludicrously tight gaps, as a shocked reaction from the back of the car indicated. We soon dropped Lauren off at her home, before myself and Holly headed off to play some pool. As my passenger relaxed, so did I, so much so I started driving on the left again, although as before this was luckily on a quiet road. Seeing how poor she was at pool, I did the gentelmanly thing and let her win the first two games before cleaning up on the third. We then went to the liquor store and purchased some alcohol, and I was appalled to find out that none of my new friends had ever heard of alcoholic cider, let alone experienced the joy and sheer explosion of taste offered by a pint of the stuff. I was then slightly less shocked to discover that they had never even considered whiskey in tea either, and I promptly showed them the errors of their ways. I soon discovered that the fun thing to do on these evenings in Woodstock is to adjust these typically American signs, and we set about doing so thanks to my suggestion using the English sense of humour, before stealing some letters to decorate the Towers bedroom with and heading back to Hollys for another night of rest

McCarthy teaches the Canadians the art of whiskey in a cup of tea	A very clever bit of sign manipulation, suggested of course by McCarthy

Friday was another driving-filled day, as I picked up Amanda and another girl, Kari, early on in the morning. We visited several shops during the day, and the evening was due to be filled with a visit to a heavy metal gig, which I was naturally concerned about due to my hatred of over-the-top types that populate these events. After picking up Shane and Heather, we headed to the location for this gig, where a load of people wearing black were stood outside, shouting stuff and listening to music that is likely to make your ears bleed. This incited by anger even more, and I instantly knew that if one of these certified freaks came close to touching me when they were 'moshing' there would be violence on the scale of the Battle of the Somme. Luckily, we decided to avoid paying to get into the gig by heading off to London, and returning later. For once I was grateful for the ludicrous speed limit in place on the roads of Ontario, as it meant that by keeping to it I could ensure we didn't make it back for the gig. We visited Hollys father, before picking up Amandas ex-boyfriend Andrew and driving back to Woodstock. Luckily, the gig was finished by the time we had driven back, which included a Wendy's Bacon Double Cheeseburger, which came up disapointingly short when compared to Burger Kings efforts. The evening finished talking to some random chaps in a park, before heading back after an exhausting day at the wheel to complete week nine

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