McCarthy in Canada

Week three would see me depart the west of Canada, but not before a visit to the skiing resort of Whistler. This trip opened my third week in the country, and could only be described as a complete shambles. Believing it would be a nice, relaxing bus trip, I was soon to be disappointed as it began with the drive getting lost. As if this wasn't bad enough, the bus was soon parked on the side of the road, as one of the wheels came loose, leaving us in the classic horror movie scenario of being stuck on an empty road, surrounded by bear-infested forest with no way of getting back. To add to the woes, the replacement bus soon became stuck in a crash that had occurred behind us. Another bus was called for, and after 90 minutes of sitting in the heat on the side of the road, we were on our way again. However, this was short lived as this bus soon began depositing fumes into the passenger area, as carbon monoxide poured into the vehicle. Another alighting thus occurred, as the problem was soon rectified, and before long we were in our chalet just out of the ski resort that will be the backbone of the 2010 Winter Olympics. After a BBQ supper, we headed into town to visit a number of clubs, lead by bus driver Jeremy, who was quite clearly intent on ruining himself after his run of bad luck during the day. Despite the ludicrous situation in that the mens toilet cubicle had no lock, I miraculously managed to get through the night without passing feaces into my own underwear, even having a mild degree of success in chatting up a large woman from Oxford, who invited me to go and stay in Nice with her, and eventually talking about football, and namely Adam Virgo with a Celtic fan. The clubs African policy of closing at 2am ensured it was an early night, and the walk back to the chalet proved particularly helpful in clearing the head


Disaster, as the wheel becomes dislodged from the bus	The passengers become stranded in the wilderness

Luckily, the replacement bus arrives	But disaster strikes again, as we forced to alight as carbon monoxide floods the vehicle

Sunday saw a relaxing day in the chalet, during which I took in the clean mountain air and worked my way through Gordon Strachans autobiography, which bizarrely enough had been left on the bookshelf. Fortunately, the journey home was completed with none of the trouble of the previous day, and involved visits to yet more waterfalls as we meandered southwards back to Vancouver. We also paid a visit to a small parade of shops which provide the gateway to the mountainous area in which The Rock filmed his movie "Standing Tall". After a day spent wishing for a drink, this provided me with wish, as I managed to neck 2 litres of Gatorade in what I can only presume to be record time. My return to Vancouver saw the evening pass away thanks to the customary pizza shop visit, and enjoying Shrek on the tv in the company of a particularly nice girl from New Zealand, whom my Mexican drug baron friend spent the whole evening attempting to chat up, despite the fact he was old enough to be her father


McCarthy at Brandywine Falls	Another waterfall, that was rather large in size

My final full day in Vancouver began early, thanks to yet another man of Japanese dissent and his uninterrupted snoring. I decided to put the day to good use by having one final good look around the city, and finally yielded to public demand by purchasing a street dog. Being a big fan of contemporary American hot dogs, I was interested to see how these ones that appear in seemingly every movie based in a city on the North American continent compared. Not even the term lubricated penis could do this concoction of meat justice, and I was appalled, somewhat even shocked to say that I have had better hot dogs at football stadia throughout England. My disappointment was soon lifted however with the purchase of my first ever pair of ear plugs, and another night in front of the tv with Mexican man, the Austrian chap and Erica from New Zealand. I decided to head to bed earlier than usual tonight in order to prepare for what I was expecting to be one of the more tedious parts of my trip - that of tomorrows three day train journey to one of the greatest cities in the world, Toronto

This clock was counting down the days until the opening ceremony of the 2010 Winter Olympics

With my final pizza eaten, my final smile from the girl behind the counter, my final visit to HMV and my final goodbye to Vancouver, I headed to the Pacific Central Station via the use of the Sky Train, a network much like our own underground system, that is originally named the sky train because it goes overground as opposed to underground. Despite the relative closeness of my alightment from the Sky Train to the station, on my arrival it felt like I had run a marathon due to the weight on my back. After checking my bag in, which is done through an airport style baggage control system, I waited for the train. For a three day trip, I could only imagine what sort of vehicle I would be on - a grand steam train, with four poster beds perhaps? Or maybe an engine with the elegance of The Flying Scotsman. As it was, it turned out that my basic - and cheap - ticket left me with your bog standard Virgin Train, with a lot more legroom and reclining chairs. With the trip taking three days, I took the strategic approach of positioning myself as far away from small children as possible. Despite the ridiculous distance of the journey, I was still struggling to understand how it would take three days to complete. This was answered early on, as the train did not get above 40mph for the duration of my conscious time aboard. Add in the fact that it set out over 30 minutes late, and it was understandable to see why most Canadians take the option of flying cross-country. As night set on, blankets, pillows, eye masks and ear plugs were handed out by the friendly staff on board, and as I reclined my chair in a similar way to those a dentist uses, I settled back for my first night aboard


Even Peter Crouch would be comfortable with the copious amount of leg room on offer	Security was a maximum as Vancouvers Favourite Minor Celebrity was on board

These complimentary pillows were very helpful

My first full day on board then followed, and despite early promise that I would be able to keep myself entertained for this mammoth trip, it turned out to be as thrilling as a visit to a Synagogue. The Canadian networks time keeping does however make Britain's poor system seem Nazi-like in terms of efficiency however. At the close of the day, the train was now running three hours late. Our two stops of the day saw us visit Jasper, where my only meal of a Subway was taken, and Edmonton. My plan to avoid children was also thrown into chaos, as a young single mother and her four year old boy Benjamin took refuge opposite myself. The only thing mildly infuriating at this point was infact the ridiculously hard Sodoku puzzle placed in the complimentary magazine, and despite extracting no energy due to my stationery position on the train, I slept like an animal at the end of my first full day


This sign and small slab of concrete does infact constitute a station	We pass through Edmonton

These fans had appeared at the station hoping to catch a glimpse of McCarthy

My pleasant nights sleep was the only positive that could be taken from my second full day aboard the train. As predicted, the child turned into a complete monster, but luckily his attractive Mother seemed to keep things in order by taking him off to discipline him. Personally, I felt a boot to the head would ensure that my fellow passengers enjoyed the remainder of their journey, but she obviously had a more motherly approach to the situation. Two stops were taken today, firstly in Winnipeg, where an old couple boarded which has added some amusement. The woman has an unnaturally loud voice, that she seems to take great pleasure in using every five minutes to tell her husband to shut up. This usually occurs during announcements, which means none of the rest of the carriage can hear what is being announced. The other stop was a small place called Sioux Lookout, where my first meal in 26 hours was consumed in the form of a Subway. The Sodoku puzzle continued to infuriate me to the point of wanting to butcher a small animal, but on the plus side the train is now running only two hours late

My final full day on the train saw a notable achievement in my life, in that I went the entire day without eating. Thankfully, there is more chance of a Charles and Diana reunion than there is of me turning anorexic. The train pulled into Toronto just in time, as a combination of the small child, my extreme hunger and that bloody Sodoku puzzle had me driven to the edge. Finally, I disembarked from the train for the last train, and following a painfully long wait for my baggage to appear on the carrousel, I was finally free of trains for at least a month. Despite my hunger, I resisted the temptation to get any food and headed straight for a taxi, and before long was heading for a proper bed, with the chance to take off my clothes for the first time in 96 hours and enjoy a screaming-child, moaning old people, and moving-free sleep ahead of my fourth week


WEEK TWO	WEEK FOUR