PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

APRIL 2005

Wednesday 26/04/05 - 8 Days to Go

Someone is trying to get Scott McCarthy out of the election! It is an absolute joke, a farce if you will. Someone has complained that Scott McCarthy has been seen tearing posters down from the common room - well, lets make this quite clear shall we - I have not done anything of the sort. I mean, it would be really sensible wouldn't it for me to take down posters in the area where everyone is. So the WANKER who did it, think things through first. When I find out who it is, I will endeavor to stick my boot up that persons rectum so far that the heel will be visible within their wind pipe. Needless to say person who did this, it has had no effect. As I told Alison Brown, the teacher in charge, "I have one word about it - fucking bollocks". I then realised that this was infact two words, making me look rather childish. Someone is obviously quite scared that I have the potential to get more votes than them, and can't win the election fairly - therefore resulting in trying to get me out. Well, FUCK YOU

Now that I have released a number of profanities, I wish to thank all those who have so far pledged to vote for me. Some people I never thought would have said they will, and for this, I thank you. This has been mainly due to what has been described as a 'brilliant poster campaign'. However, whether I have enough to win remains to be seen. The latest posters to appear have featured Jim Trott, Kermit the Frog and two rather dashing pictures of myself. These are now all available on the literature page.

Tomorrow there is merely a week to go - all efforts are gearing towards the big day. It will be exciting!

Monday 25/04/05 - 10 Days to go

The campaign began today, and already there are saboteurs on the lose. Posters have appeared with my face on them, saying I endorse the campaign of some twat called Chip - I can confirm this is not at all the case. There is, to my knowledge, no candidate called Chip even entering the race for the Presidency. What I will confirm however, is that when I find out who Chip is, they could well find themselves having their testicles removed with a rather large metal implement, that not only will be extremely sharp, but will also have an electric current running through it. Need I say more.

Onto the campaign, and all the candidates placed their posters up early this morning. The efforts were, in general, not at all bad. But as break began, the question was being asked all around the college - where were McCarthys posters? The disappointment continued into tutor period, as still none were up. But then, myself and campaign manager Sara went on a mission in our free period. Suddenly, images of Yoda, Michael Caine, Steve Irwin and Del Boy to name a few were popping up all over the place - all endorsing the campaign of Scott McCarthy. The posters were a hit - many people commented on the genius of them, and had a good old laugh.

So, the first day of campaigning has begun. Tomorrow the second day begins - where more McCarthy posters will be appearing. The campaign is about to enter full swing. Exciting Times!

Sunday 24/04/05 - 11 Days to Go

It has been a busy few days at McCarthy Towers. The campaign production line has begun hotting up - posters, the site, videos all have been under construction. Throw in the rest bite of a trip to Withdean yesterday to see Brighton keep their slim chances of staying up alive with a 2-2 draw against West Ham, and there has been little time to breathe, let alone play Football Manager. Anyway, the campaigning starts officially tomorrow, which is extremely arousing. Can any of the other candidates match my sheer enthusiasm, my will-to-win. Tomorrow we shall see. The start of the marathon begins, and in 2 weeks time we will find out - will it all have been worth it. Exciting times!

Saturday 23/04/05

It has been an exciting week at the Towers. On Wednesday, the national press gathered at McCarthy Towers to view an event that will surely go down as one of the greatest in Burgess Hill's history. The legendary Chap Mobile was sold on by Peter Chapman. The buyer - Scott McCarthy. After securing a new automobile, Chapman obviously felt that the car was too precious to go to any old Tom, Dick or Harry. So, he sold it to his fellow Burgess Hill Minor Celebrity. Here are some pictures from this momentous day in Burgess Hill history:

The contract is signed	McCarthy looks seductive on his new car
A Tom McCarthy style pose	The Simpsons Air Fresheners were all part of the package
Checking the boot space to ensure illegal immigrants can be smuggled in	The keys are handed over, much to the delight of an ecstatic crowd gathered outside the Towers Perimeter Wall

And now fans, the exciting news - McCarthy is standing for Haywards Heath College Student President. The decision was taken on Friday, and the tough election race begins Monday. It does appear that all the other candidates for this prestige position are taking the race seriously - I, however, have been told I am not. So, in order to take it seriously, and maximize my voting potential, McCarthy Industries will be closed for two weeks from Monday, and replaced with the official McCarthy Election Website. I appologise for the inconvenience, but this is one race I am hoping to win. Remember - Vote The Right Way, Vote The McCarthy Way

Sunday 17/04/05

The return to college has been one that has thrilled and excited. Wednesday was a particular highlight, when myself and Chief Executive Bert Lloyd joined some lucky fans and journeyed to the HE Fair at Sussex University. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed, as their were no muscular male models wearing no clothing on show, as HE actually stood for Higher Education and not he as in male. I had been aroused for the entire train journey, so you can only imagine the disappointment that took place when my hopes were dashed. Instead, I had to settle with taking prospectuses from the various Universities. The day was designed for people to come along and talk to the universities, rather than just taking a prospectus from every one, as our little group did. Now, this proved a slight problem. The bags on offer were unable to hold McCarthys 42 prospectuses. This meant I had to steal a box from Manchester University, and place them within this cardboard box. On returning to the Hill of Burgess, the sheer weight of these prospectuses was too much for myself, especially with my back problem. It was therefore regrettable that a Waitrose trolley was liberated, and used to transport the prospectuses back to the towers. This trolley now remains in storage at McCarthy Towers, and will no doubt come in handy in the future. In the evening, I delved through the prospectuses, and managed to narrow them down to 8 universities. No doubt they will all be fighting over the honor to have Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity as one of their undergraduates. 

On Friday, myself and Kev the Ape made the first Barmy Army trip of the season to The Oval, Surrey, for the third day of the first game of 2005 Cricket Season. Unfortunately, we only saw 90 minutes of play, as rain lashed down. However, we took the opportunity to investigate the bar, and enjoyed 5 further hours in the stadium. In the evening, Ape returned to his humble abode, while myself and the wife went to two parties to grace those lucky party-goers with our presence. It was a fine day.

Saturday saw me as the honored guest of the Walmsley's, as I joined the twins and father James for the trip to Burnley. Shockingly, I have just discovered that Burnley is not a word recognised by the Microsoft dictionary. This is a disgrace, and I will be writing to Bill Gates personally to request that his company get their act together. Anyway, back to Saturday. This could possibly go down as my favourite away game of the season, simply for the fact that I felt like a right northerner before the game. The local cricket pavilion was open and serving food, and in honor of a Minor Celebrity being in their presence, they served up Chips and Gravy. It was a meal that had me erect such was the quality.

The football season finished today for Hassocks Youth, and we went out on a high, beating Oakwood 5-0 with McCarthy playing a rare 90 minutes for the team in goal. Tomorrow night is my penultimate game of the season, as Hassocks III's take on Old Varndeanians. I spent a spell at their youth side last season, but the adult team is significantly better - they have secured runners up in the league such as their quality. Nonetheless, we will be buoyed by our 3-1 win over Nutley last Monday night, when I accidentally broke someone's nose. Unfortunately, it was my own defender. But, he played on, completed the game and helped secure a valuable point. That is all for now. Thank you for listening. 

Monday 11/04/05

Well people, Thursdays adventures to Legoland now feature on the Big Day Out. And what a day it was! After getting to Legoland perfectly, Tom Witham realised he had no money. We rushed into Windsor, and promptly got lost, spending 40 minutes looking for a cash machine. It was thrilling stuff. We eventually asked two policemen who were on horseback for directions, and they showed their local knowledge by pointing us in the right direction. We found the machine, and arrived back at the park. It really was a fun-filled day, starting with my question to Tom Witham: "Tom, how do you feel about being the only two people in the park without a small child" He responded with the classic: "Who says we have to be without a child. I say we steal one". A classic comment. The day got better and better, as we negotiated the maze. It took a while, and was full of screaming children, which prompted another classic quote from Witham: "Theres only one thing I hate more than children - and that's screaming children". The other absolute classic came from one woman on the 'Boat School'. Picture it now in your minds fans: One extremely large woman with a small child, steering this little boat. A confrontation happens between her and her friend in the boat in front, whereby she screams out: "LOOK, YOU JUST DRIVE YOUR BOAT AND LET ME DRIVE MINE, OK?". It was a classic - a little kids ride and two full grown mothers were getting worked out about it. Towards the end, as we watched them sail round, there was also what appeared to be a wanker sign given by one of the woman. It was sheer comedy. The video from this absolutely top class day will soon take over McCarthy TV, and it is not to be missed!

The past few days have been quiet. Although, Haywards Heath College was rocking today with rumors of another possible entry into the Student Union Elections. Yes, could it be true that Burgess Hills very own Minor Celebrity could through his hat and extremely large genitals into the race to become President of the Student Union. Or even better, Entertainments Officer? Well, exclusive to McCarthy Industries, I can confirm it is true. I am intending to stand for election to the Student Union - however, the question has been asked, will it be a serious election? Who knows, after my recent success. I was not selected to be either Head Boy or Deputy Head Boy due to my lack of 'seriousness' apparently. This was perhaps the greatest miscarriage of justice since the 2001 American Election, or since Noels House Party was cancelled. Then there was the Reed Trophy, where it was between myself and Elliot Gwynne - until the teacher vote. Surely, McCarthy can make it third time lucky - but its in your hands people. The election campaign will be full of fun and frolics - hell, its an excuse to meet people, make promises I don't intend to keep, and kiss babies. Full details will be available if and when I decide to run - but if I do, remember: Vote the right way, vote the McCARTHY WAY!

Wednesday 06/04/05

I have let you all down. To all my fans, I apologise profoundly - I know how you all logged on here every day, yearning for a diary entry. But alas, none were forthcoming. Well, today that changes. And I have made a belated New Years Resolution to keep this thing more up-to-date. Forgive me fans.

The reasons for the lack of updates are simple - Carina has had interest from other men, and I've had to fend it off. Allegations were spreading about my private life, which I had to quash. But now, normality has returned to the Towers. The other reason for my lack of updates has been Football Manager. Regular listeners will remember that last year I became obsessed with the goal of getting Norwich the Premiership title, and would not stop playing it until I did. And I finally did. Well, these past few weeks it has been the same case, but this time it was Hearts in the Scottish Premier League. I took over in 2014, and in the year 2016 we won the title. I became more obsessed than before, because Celtic had won it for the past 8 years in a row, and no team other than Rangers or Celtic had won it since Aberdeen in 1985 - 31 years ago. Needless to say, when we won it, I became a hero in Edinburgh. This result ranks as the highest of my whole career since I started playing PC management games in 1999, although winning the Champions League with Wigan comes a close second. Here are the screenshots that say it all:

Lots of Mac Industries FC games lately as well, which has seen time taken up. Check a look at the Hamsters section of the site for more information. April Fools Day was last Friday, so you can see what myself, Peter Chapman and Chris Traylen got up to on that fine evening HERE. There has also been the second installment of McCarthy TV, along with a Tuesday trip to Preston with the Crocs on Tour.  Great excitement at the Towers last month, as I received the greatest piece of mail a man can ever receive. Concealed within an envelope was an autographed card from Noel Edmonds. It wasn't just autographed though, oh no, it was personally signed  by the great man himself. And here it is:

The front of the card contained this arousing image of Noel in some sort of transporter

Inside was the image of him driving the transporter

And the personalized inscription, reading: "Scott, Thank you for your very kind comments. Noel Edmonds"

Now that is what you call arousing. Tomorrow is another prospect that could get the blood flowing, as myself and Tom Witham head off for a day out. It will be thrilling stuff, destination is as of yet unknown though. Fear not fans, as it will make the Big Day Out pages, I can guarantee you. And finally, the Premiership season is entering the final straight, which means the Mac Industries Fantasy League is drawing to a close. The table currently looks like this:

Pos		Team	Total	Pos. Change
1		McCarthys Magic	867	Up 3 places
2		SIMMOS SELECT	866	Up 1 place
3		Flash Gordons Fantastico	856	Down 1 place
4		Gaz Wonders!	845	Up 1 place
5		Peter Chapmans Legends	795	Up 1 place
6		Wellsys Wonders	777	Up 2 places
7		ape united	772	Down 5 places
8		Berts Babes	731	Down 1 place
9		Come On Newcastle!	647	No Change
10		Domz Dominatorz	636	No Change
11		Dimbeldores	603	Up 1 place
12		Bearded XI	590	Up 1 place
13		the championship is better	573	Down 1 place
14		United All the Way	503	No Change
15		THE ROCKERS	448	No Change

Very tight at the top - just 1 point between Scott McCarthy and Ian Simpson, with Chris Traylen in 3rd still in with a chance, along with Gary Harding in 4th. In Euro 2004, McCarthy stole it at the death when his chosen Greece side won the tournament - with Simpson having Jose Mourinho has chosen manager, and McCarthy going with Wenger, it looks as though the title could be heading away from Scott McCarthy's team. It is going to be a very tight finish!

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