PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

APRIL 2007

Hello listeners, just a line to let you know that no Muslims have managed to disrupt the trip as of yet, there was one decidedly dodgy moment at passport control, when McCarthy thought it would be funny to pretend to be French speaking, until he was asked for his age and could not remember the basics of the word 19 in that garlic sniffing language. While humorous at the time, this has lead to a small amount of worry over just how Vancouver's Newest Minor Celebrity is going to cope during his time in French Canada, as the only full phrases known in French are such as "Chate neurve de pap", which is uttered during drunk evenings with Douglas Lane. How far this will get me on the road I do not know.

Not since the Vancouver Cannucks won the NHL North West Conference has this city been so excited. The local tabloid press are comparing my arrival to that of Jesus in Jerusalem, with the minor differences being that I arrived via a taxi as compared to a donkey - but had the Yellow Cab Company been in existence back then I can only presume the Lord himself would of used it. Since arriving in North America, I have had a superb response from fans all across the world, which culminated last night in a complete ruining of the liver, a mere 2 hours after arriving in the country. This saw me and a "dude" fan from California check out the local nightlife, and ended with a return at 2am to my current Hostel location that saw McCarthy nearly break his neck in an attempt to enter his bunk bed

Today has seen Vancouver's Newest Minor Celebrity check out the city in all its glory, paying visits to many local attractions and meeting and greeting fans. This has, naturally it would seem, resulted in McCarthy getting not only hideously lost, quite impressive given the fact the roads are all straight and lead to each other, but also horrendously sunburnt due to falling asleep on the beach. This would not normally be a problem, bar the fact I fell asleep on my side AND with sunglasses on, meaning the redness is limited to certain spots. I also attempted to get a ticket for the ice hockey play offs tonight, but because of a ridiculously Jewish ticketing system where you have to buy two tickets, I decided not to

Finally, a few observations thus far. It would appear in this country you have to tip people in bars, for merely serving a drink. Quite how this works I do not know, but needless to say if this was the policy in The Weald, then McCarthy would be as broke as that women who died from internal bleeding after being violated by a horse. The other point is tax - it is added on once you have made a purchase. This seems particularly ridiculous as it means that until you take an item to the cashier, you don't know how much you have to pay. Apart from this, it is an invigorating experience thus far, and tomorrow I may continue to wow the general public with my messiah-like qualities, by demolishing a few stalls in the local market. If it worked for Jesus, it is guaranteed to work for McCarthy!

Friday 27/04/07

Bon voyage!

Tuesday 17/04/07

I would like to apologise profoundly for my severe lack of updates in recent weeks - this has been due to a number of reasons. One has been my increased sporting participation, with up to three games of football a week for Hassocks as the Reserves bid to get their season finished. This has included one cup final, whereby Hassocks were the victors, and here we see Scott McCarthy with the Sussex County League Reserve Section Challenge Cup:

Another reason has been the undertaking of working at Cuckfields Esso site, where McCarthy has noticed distinctive differences between their and the Haywards Heath site. Namely, in the clientele. Cuckfield is visited by the more refined and socially inebriated of our society, and I feel that with my posting here, it is recognition of McCarthys high standing in society, that the yuppie people who frequent Esso Cuckfield wish to be served by an equally upholding petroleum technician as myself. It has also presented me with a number of comical opportunities, and arguably my favourite Esso moment of all time earlier last week. Because of Cuckfields rural village status, the garage is mainly used by passers by, so instructions are required on a frequent basis

One pair of women came in, dressed all in black, and a quick glance into one of their handbags denoted that they were heading for a funeral, as was shown my the funeral programme in their bag. Needing to find Borde Hill Gardens, they asked myself for directions. Seizing the initiative, McCarthy sent them in the longest direction he could possibly think of, via Handcross. With funerals being a dull and sad affair, I believe that I will have livened this one up by ensuring that two of the guests arrive ridiculously late, hopefully stumbling in halfway through the service to a chorus of cheers and laughter from their fellow mourners. Once again, McCarthy brightens up the day of some people and adds a smile to their faces. Its all part of the service that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity is happy to offer

The other reason has been preparing for McCarthys Canada trip. This has involved all kinds of important decisions, like researching when the WWE are in Toronto, where I can gain some viagra for the trip, whether crack cocaine and heroin is readily available on the streets, how much the average prostitue will cost, what the age of consent for sex is and how long a prison sentence will be for when I break that law, whether rape is frowned upon in the eyes of the courts, what documents I need to produce in order to purchase a semi automatic rifle and most importantly of all, what side of the road do they drive on. There are obvious minor things to prepare as well, such as accommodation and equipment I need to take, but I feel these will fall into place as the days tick towards the trip

Another thing I have had to consider is what to do with this site when I am away. Obviously, there are a number of candidates who I feel would make it nearly as thought-provoking and interesting as I - people such as the Pope, Dale Winton, the Earl of Wessex, Alan Titchmarsh and David Blunkett to name a few. However, I have decided to give that great accolade to PETER CHAPMAN, as I feel the site should stick to its Burgess Hill and Minor Celebrity routes. Peter will be making several minor changes to the site, and will also keep things updated should I be able to send anything from across the pond. Exciting times ahead indeed! 

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