PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

DECEMBER 2006

Thursday 28/12/06

Tom McCarthy has finally busted his Christmas present of a wig out of the packaging, and needless to say it is a rip-roaring success:

As 2006 comes to an end, it is time for the traditional summing up of yet another year of Scott McCarthy's existence on this fair planet we call Earth. When looking back without indulging my powerful mind, I first considered 2006 to be a pretty poor year. However, I have realised that it has, infact, been somewhat of a successful year in many ways. It has seen Scott McCarthy pass his test of driving ability at the first attempt, which is obviously a highlight. I have enjoyed a huge number of successful drunken evenings, namely with Dougie Lane and James Calver, and this year has seen me vomit more than in my entire life put together through sheer alcohol consumption. I have enjoyed several nights in China Garden with various females, and once again I have shared a bed with Jones on countless occasions. Unfortunately, our fair nations sporting teams have performed with all the success of a fish that can't swim, with the rugby team falling apart at the seams, the cricketers surrendering the Ashes in diabolical style, and the football team having about as much success as a baby in a blender - although on the bright side my two England games viewed this season have seen 11 goals scored and 0 conceded, 5 of which were netted by the big PC himself, Peter Crouch

I have made a number of new acquaintances this year, mainly through the support of Brighton and Hove Albion, and I am honored to now be able to count the likes of John Boy, Da Man Clay and Scissorhands among my friends. I have once again provided the people with two successful social events in the 2006 Annual BBQ and the Scott McCarthy Day XIX Celebrations, even if by the end of both of these events I was what can only be termed as a mess. As far as Hassocks FC goes, we ended up County Youth League champions, and had some quite delightful nights out that I thoroughly enjoyed

The main highlight of 2006 though would have to be the summer period. Beginning with the cricket season, as many a happy hour were spent drinking bottles of my new cricket tipple, Westons Organic Cider, and enjoying seeing some of the best cricket on offer at Sussex, possibly ever. The side completed the double, winning the Championship and the C&G Trophy, during which we had the best day of the year at Lords, especially when it looked like Sussex had blown the chance to win it. The summer months were also spent spending a lot of time with Charlie, and I thoroughly enjoyed finally finding someone who could tolerate my racism and down-right disgraceful behavior, even giving as good as she got at times. She also helped me appreciate the art of getting ruined, as under her guidance the period of "no-drinking" that had many worried about McCarthys future sanity only helped to enhance the appreciation I now put into the hard work that goes into a pint of simmering ale. It was just a shame she had to bugger off and become a tax-dodging Northerner. While the term spent with her was no doubt delightful, and Lords was obviously the best day out of the year, McCarthy has to give special praise to the Crocs on Tour for making the week pass quickly with the prospect of another day out every Saturday. From the "Scott McCarthy is a wanker" chant early in the year at Sheffield United, to the fun and frolic of Doncaster, from spending Valentines Day in Norwich with Rumble, Kane and Potter to being horribly drunk during a pre-season game at Worthing, it has been a fantastic effort. But special praise goes to the Carlisle trip, beginning at 3am Friday morning and ending at 12am Sunday morning, with violence, drinking, prank calls, racism and a game of football crammed in between, it was one of the highlights of the year and an honor to partake in

One can only hope that 2007 can get better, and with the prospect of McCarthy hitting Canada for the first time and a move to the town of my foremothers, Cheltenham, for University, you have to imagine it will. May I take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy New Year, thank you for your support in 2006 and wish you the best of luck for 2007

Tuesday 26/12/06

The busiest time of the McCarthy year is over, with the celebration of the second most important Birthday of the year now having taken place. This has, naturally, seen McCarthy ruin himself for the past 5 or so days, which began in earnest with another one of 'those' Friday nights.

Having just returned from an excruciating exercise session (I am not joking!), I saw the dreaded MSN Conversation Window of James Calver pop up. He instructed me he had an evening of fun and frolic in store, so I rushed my cleansing shower to meet him. From here we wandered to Tesco, purchasing a crate of 24 Strongbow. Realising it was now 1opm, we would have to demolish as much as possible by 11.30 due to needing to get to town for last entry. This resulted in a ridiculous level of consumption, which saw both men devour around 9 cans each in an hour. Despite this effort, we still did not leave the Calver Residence till a ridiculous late hour, and the sheer speed of consumption ensured both men were slightly worse for wear. Despite RUNNING, yes, RUNNING half of the way to town, resulting in complete knackeredness on the part of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, we missed the cut off point for entry to both Jacobs Post and The Railway. With this in mind, we headed to Pulse, where Dougie Lane was soon removed due to intoxication, and McCarthy ended up dancing with a women who was, to be quite brutal, the wrong side of 50. Realising that the night had been a complete disaster, and not quite realising how drunk we both were, the walk home began in earnest

This started with attempting, for reasons unbeknown to the rational mind, by trying to steal the Burgess Hill Library sign. With this clearly not going to happen, attention turned to taking something from the Police Station, which was even more unsensible. After denying our urges to return with the traditional trophy, we instead decided to re-create a classic WWE match from the past - in the middle of the muddy St Johns Park. Things really did get silly when McCarthy performed the Stone Cold Stunner on Calver, followed by an attempted Walls of Jericho, burying his head into the mud. With McCarthy suggesting we ended it, both men got back onto the pavement, only for Calver to chokeslam McCarthy onto a Peugeot car and pick up the pin from the battered man

With the Minor Celebrity unable to walk due to a combination of too much exercise (two runs that day) and the wrestling match, the cardinal error was made to place him in a trolley. History dictates this always ends in disaster, and today was no different, as he ended up stacking it out. With both men unable to walk, we decided to sleep on Royal George Road. This was, however, short lived, as we were interrupted by two gents, one of whom tried to start on us. Sensing the danger, McCarthy lead the party up a side street, where we finally got out trophy - that of a Dolls House from someone's front garden. McCarthy then took several signs, before the two men went there separate ways at the end of another gruelling evening, from which these were taken:

Calver demolishes road sign	But amazingly, even when McCarthy gets on it, they bounce right back up!
The dolls house we found	Unbelievably, it would appear this was being chucked out for rubbish? Who would want to throw away what could make a perfect childs toy?

Saturday night was another one of the infamous Hassocks FC Parties, and with Strongbow pints again going for £2, McCarthy was somewhat disgraced again. This time, it was Ian Simpson and Luke Vick who joined the Minor Celebrity in Jacobs Post, where an absolute ruining occured. Added on with Saturdays consumption, it was a minor miracle McCarthy was not violently ill. In his own words, Simpson was found in a "plethora of vomit" the next morning, while I struggle to recollect getting home. A mobile phone is always a handy device in informing one of what happened when ones memory is blank, and the K750i has done its job superbly this time. Checking the mobile the next day, McCarthy found two pictures that show just how, despite leaving Jacobs at 1.30, he did not arrive home till 3am, a whole hour and a half later:

The above picture shows the infamous concrete egg in Burgess Hill town centre, which is sheltered by several concrete walls. The picture that followed it on the K750i indicates just why it took McCarthy so long to get home:

Following his unsuccessful attempt to sleep on the streets the night before, McCarthy achieved it this time, and this photo, which for some unbeknown reason I took of myself, shows what a comftable night it was for Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity. He is also known to have called nearly every person on his phone book to wish them a Merry Christmas, and while many took the sensible option of ignoring a call at 2am, to those who answered McCarthy wishes to apologise

Sunday was Christmas Eve, and thus saw the completion of the Christmas shopping and the traditional Weald pre-Christmas session. 7 pints of Magners later, and McCarthy, Chapman and Calver headed to church, where a very moving service was held, although Martin Jupp, owner of Jupps Fish and Chips had obviously followed police advice and stayed away from this years event at the church, after fears that a terrorist attack wiping out not only him, but McCarthy and Chapman would see Burgess Hill fall apart at the seams. One notable addition to this years service though was Father Christmas himself, and this begged the question which unlucky children would not be receiving presents due to his appearance at Midnight Mass, obviously keen to see McCarthy full clothed, as opposed to the vision he would of seen of the youngster in his night attire. Here is the great man shaking hands with people at the end:

Christmas day passed without incident in the McCarthy household, with the most notable item being given out that of a wig to Tom McCarthy from Scott. Your Favourite Minor Celebrity would like to thank the hundreds of well wishes who sent him flowers, but highlights his personal favourite gifts as the Yard Glass he received, the pub-style vodka holder and dispenser, and most impressively, £350 for air travel for when he jets out for his tour of Canada in 2007. I can only hope that all of you listeners had as a fulfilling Christmas as that which was had in McCarthy Towers

Sunday 17/12/06

Fans, it has been a week of great production for McCarthy Industries. Having taken the liberty of a week from work, McCarthy has completed many projects he has long had his eye on - these include the recording of the Christmas song, the launch of the expanded Music section, now titled - 'Audio', a Pizza Hut challenge, the purchasing of a new camera for £250 of my English pounds, and tonight it finishes with the participation in the Weald Quiz of Team Hamster. 

Yesterday saw McCarthy decide to partake in what is often known as a spontaneous journey, as at 9.30am Hassocks v East Grinstead was postponed, so at 10.10am he was behind the wheel of the Mac Mobile and heading the 3 hours drive to Cheltenham, to see Cheltenham Town v Rotherham United, with the game ending in a 2-0 win for Cheltenham. 

On Wednesday it was another Lane and McCarthy session, as we headed to Mooch for their Happy Hour, or Happy 3 Hours as it is, where much alcohol was consumed. This was followed by further sessions in Jacobs Post, the Top House and the Railway leaving McCarthy slightly worse for wear for the first time in two weeks following his anti biotics course.

Christmas shopping remains to be completed following a pretty unproductive trip to Lakeside and Bluewater on Friday, in part due to McCarthys hatred, or phobia if you will of ques. This will no doubt mean that, with a week of work ahead, McCarthy will find himself Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve for the fifth year running, followed by a session in the Weald and then the highlight of the St Edwards Church year, when they are blessed with the appearance of both of Burgess Hills Minor Celebrities for their Midnight Mass service.

Monday 11/12/06

Listeners, I am disapointed to report that Scott McCarthys finger will not be available for you to purchase for loved ones via e-bay this Christmas. After a confusing couple of hours spent in the hospital last Tuesday morning, when several doctors and nurses were rather excitingly unable to diagnose what was wrong with McCarthy, I was finally given a course of anti-biotics that have reduced the fingers size significantly, but left it looking slightly deformed currently, in many ways like a Leicester City hotdog. It took the staff at the Princess Royal a blood test, a temperature test and a series of general questions to work out what to give Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, and even then they were unsure - suspecting it to be some sort of virus, possibly via poisoning. Anyway, with the pressure that comes from treating a Minor Celebrity, they have done the job and ensured McCarthy remains full fingered and has not yet become a flid

It has been a week of very little progress so far - although McCarthy has discovered his love of Guinness again for the first time in 7 or so months. This is all to do with the Christmas song, and those of you will a knowledge of Yule Time tunes may be able to work out what we are undertaking this year from my very cryptic clue. 

This ensures it is a very busy week for myself, enjoying a week off work to film and produce this years effort. With Christmas approaching, it means the Minor Celebrity calendar is pretty much full, with a number of Holiday appearances to put in, beginning this Sunday with the Weald annual quiz. The purchasing of the camera, due to take place today following the breakage of the last one while in Bournemouth, will re-open the door for McCarthy TV, which is rather exciting for all concerned, as it has been a long 3 months without a video capturing device. 2007 approaches, and it is indeed exciting times ahead!

Monday 04/12/06

Alex Litvinenko, eat your heart out (no, this is not some sick entry about necrophilia). It would appear that the KGB are also out to get McCarthy, as just like the former Russian spy, I have been POISONED! The result has seen McCarthy's right hand middle finger swell up to a ridiculous size, and begin to turn green. This reached ahead last night, when it became so large that I am now unable to bend it. 

Being unsure at first as to the problem, I used Mr Vincent's age-old RICE technique to try and enhance the finger, but alas, this did not work. It has therefore been decided that, before the whole thing turns gangrene and has to be amputated, I will be taking a visit to the hospital to see if they can remove whatever poison is inside the finger, before I become a crumbling mess. However, I have got my priorities right here, and the Princess Royal will not be graced with my presence until the Ashes has finished, which will no doubt end in a draw. So, in 24 hours time, I could become the first fingerless Minor Celebrity, and will then be able to sell my removed finger on Ebay, making millions of pounds and thus being able to retire. And just for a graphic representation, here is what the finger looked like yesterday evening, before swelling continued:

Figure 1 here shows the finger as it began to turn green, as can be seen rather blurringly around the nail. The ridiculous size it has ballooned to on the left of the nail can be seen there, while it has also turned red and gone 'erect', becoming rather hard when you press against it

Figure 2 shows the size of the finger compared to its counterpart, the left hand middle finger. Here, you can see slightly better the greenery around the nail, and also how it has extended around the side. Unfortunately, since these images were taken it has continued to get larger, prompting the impending hospital visit

In other news, McCarthy has been granted a week off of work from the 11th December, which is when the filming of this years Christmas video will take place. This gives a week to plan the event, and further details will be available when the next board meeting has taken place to discus exactly what will happen - hopefully this one will not become distracted by the obvious temptation of alcohol from the Weald, as seems to happen with every board meeting ever held. Also, after several comments, we have finally fixed the Crocs on Tour MILLWALL video

Finally, a word of congratulations to McCarthy Industries Chief Advisor Bert Lloyd, who last week passed his driving test. This completes the driving ability of everyone at the McCarthy Industries team, and it now means we have one further designated driver for drinking sessions. Congratulations Bert, and may your time on the road be blessed with more luck than Robert Jones

HOME