PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

FEBRUARY 2006

Sunday 26/02/06

Well lads and ladettes, it has been a pleasant few days at McCarthy Towers. So much so, I have very little to report to you loyal viewers. Work continues to go well, and the life of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity continues to move on.

On Friday, McCarthy took one step closer to being able to travel the highways of Britain in an automobile legally, with the long-awaited completion of the driving theory test. Scoring 35/35 on the questions and 52 on the hazard perception, this now opens the door for the actual driving test to be booked, although unlike the majority of people I am in no real hurry to drive, as I know it will just be another currant in the cake of my weight-gain and bone idleness. With the imposing drama practical exam now only a month away, and still no lines learnt by Scott McCarthy, there is a lot of work to do in both education and home life for myself

Despite this increasing workload, I still managed to give their inhabitants of Cuckfield one of the greatest moments there village has ever seen, when Scott McCarthy spent the evening in the quaint little place. Yes, to celebrate Miss Sara (I can't be bothered to type the incredibly long surname she has, although I have just realised it now would have been easier to do that rather than writing the reason why I did not do it) 18th birthday, McCarthy enjoyed an evening of drinking, fun and frolic in her humble abode. Obviously, while all of the other guests were removed from the premises at the end of the night, the family were so ecstatic at having a man of my calibre in their home, that I was invited to stay, which I duly did. As far as alcohol is concerned, it is a case of where McCarthy goes, so does drinking partner Dougie Lane, so he too stayed. Which of course meant, while the house was sleeping, McCarthy and Lane were in the lounge area, polishing of a bottle of Baileys and a crate of Stella while having a rave with low music. This lasted till 3 in the morning

As always, there are two special sound clips for you lucky fans to enjoy - one an explanation of the evening, and the other is a message from Doug himself. Click the links to view them: The Explanation | Dougies Message

And finally, congratulations to Pete Morgan, who passed his driving test on Wednesday

Dougie in a good state at 2.33am this morning

Tuesday 21/02/06

Sorry for the lack of updates in recent weeks children, McCarthy has been overwhelmed with events to partake in and complete, as well assorting through the thousands of Valentines Day cards that arrived at the Towers last week. I would like to personally thank all of the fans who took the time to write to me, it touches the sticky interior of my heart

Anyway, things do not get any easier in the life of McCarthy. With my commitments to providing the people of England with the petrol they need, coupled with an impending Drama Practical examination, it does mean that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will seemingly be spending most of his time in Haywards Heath. While I will attempt to ensure this does not effect my work in the community, I cannot guarantee that I will have as much time to devote to you fans, so for that I am sorry

Recent disaster has struck McCarthy Towers, as Alison McCarthy has decided to change the washing up powder that is used on the Towers laundry. This has had disastrous effects on myself, as it would appear I am allergic to this new one. This has lead to McCarthy scratching all over, and turning into some sort of blobby mass. A complaint has been lodged, but whether it is taken up upon is unknown - especially as this new washing powder is considerably cheaper. Therefore, I appeal to anyone out there with unwanted washing powder - please denote it to Scott McCarthy, so he can stop scratching away like some sort of animal. 

Having just wiped my nose, it would also transpire that I have a minor nosebleed. Therefore, I will love you and leave you in order to sort out the mess of bodily fluids currently escaping from my nasal

Sunday 12/02/06

Minions, no more assassination attempts have occurred to McCarthy recently. I am here to report a number of interesting developments though

You may remember the young lady by the name of Lauren who Tom McCarthy had been relieving mystery texts from. This had lead to much questioning throughout McCarthy Towers over who she was, leading us to the conclusion that he had acquired a young mistress. However, we are pleased to announce that the situation has been cleared up, as the lady in question has finally realised she has got the '1' and the '7' in here friends number the wrong way round - and has therefore ended up texting the father of a Minor Celebrity. This is a shame, as it really takes away the fun that had been occurring with much Michael taking being placed in Tommy Macs direction. However, I would like to offer Lauren my sincere condolences in being rejected from Manchester University, as she revealed exclusively via text last night

Today, I witnessed one of the funniest things that Scott McCarthy has ever seen in his entire life, and it was entirely down to this famous fella:

Today at football, we lost 3-0 to Southwick. With an understrength team and at 3-0 down, Mr Dave Charker decided to take McCarthy off to give young Jack Simpson 15 minutes. Joining my long-haired friend Daniel Collin in the dugout, we then proceeded to witness Dave attempt to lean back onto a wall that wasn't there. This was then compounded by the fact there was a small step on entry to the dugout, which he managed to trip over. Waving his arms like a windmill in a vague attempt to remain upright, he fell backwards, in the process crushing Andy Collin against the wall of the dugout. This left a fit of laughter from all on the bench, and has been likened to when Del Boy falls through the bar in Only Fools and Horses. Wonderful scenes!

Thursday 09/02/06

Ladies and gentlemen, remember the date - Thursday 9th February 2006 will forever be remembered as the day that the second attempt to assassinate Scott McCarthy took place. Many remember that fateful Friday afternoon of July 12th, when the first attempt took place - when Scott McCarthy was stabbed in the arm in a Religious Education lesson. That was a poor attempt, but today was a well formed plan that very nearly did the job

The assassin knew my Thursday patterns well. Knowing that this morning I would be in the Jones Mobile, he cleverly tampered with the braking system of the car, ensuring that it would be unable to stop should Robert Jones slam on the breaks heavily. The result - today, we were involved in a car crash. Approaching the roundabout on London Road that joins this busy Burgess Hill boulevard with West Street, Robert was unable to break quick enough when joining the que of traffic waiting at the roundabout. This tampering of the brakes system, combined with black ice on the road, lead to a collision. Luckily, all in the car were wearing their seat belts, so there were no serious injuries, despite the best attempts of the assassin. Full credit should go to Robert Jones, whose quick reactions ensured the saving of the life of the passengers within the car, and most importantly Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity. Despite claims by the witnesses to this accident who say Robert was at fault for the crash, Scott McCarthy wishes to point out that he does not hold him responsible at all, as this was clearly the work of a well-informed and motivated assassin, determined to remove Scott McCarthy from this life. Rumors that this assassin was infact Peter Chapman, who wanted McCarthy wiped out so he could become Burgess Hills only Minor Celebrity cannot be confirmed at this current moment in time

While the fellow Jones Mobile passengers were clearly shaken, McCarthy remained undeterred, even picking up a piece of the front of the caved-in Jones Mobile as a momentum - one that will be added to the bloodstained t-shirt as another relic of a failed attempt on the life of Scott McCarthy. Bert Lloyd shows the extremity of the crash in this audio clip, as he is visibly shaken once we arrived at the college, a journey that was taken with due care following the events of this morning

And one final word to all the assassins of this world - you may have got Kennedy, you may have got Luther King, you may have got Ferdinand, you may have got Lennon, you may even have got Jill Dando, but you will NEVER get Scott J. McCarthy

Tuesday 07/02/06

Children, a happy February to you all. This entry is long overdue, and one that will detail a number of interesting developments in the last few days. Firstly, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity was interviewed by Staffordshire University last Thursday, and was naturally accepted into this institution. Unfortunately, Sheffield decided to turn down McCarthy, which has opened the race wide up with regards to who could sign myself. With Staffordshire throwing their hat into the ring, it now looks like a straight race between them and Teeside, based in the far north that is Middlesborough. With examples of work to be sent to Gloucester, it could well mean that, should they offer McCarthy a place, I could be living for three years in the place where Alison McCarthy's side of the family hails from, the haven of education that is Cheltenham. However, there are sure to be money twists and turns in the road yet, and nothing can be confirmed until that lucky University receives confirmation from Scott McCarthy that they will get the honor of providing the last steps on the long walk of my education

With Valentines Day a week away, the extra staff that are customary at McCarthy Towers at this time of year have been bought in, as it always a mammoth job dealing with the millions of cards that are expected to pour into Burgess Hills Number One Tourist Attraction. However, it is not true that elves from the North Pole are coming in, as they are used to dealing with the amount of letters received by Santa. If you include a SAE with your card this year, Scott McCarthy is even considering writing back! You have been told children

Website work is coming on, with a number of things in the pipeline, including the fashion guide which will be done in half term once the Valentines Day cards have been sorted. The HHC Pictorial has also been re-launched. Updates will be at a minimum now, as Scott McCarthy has finally entered employment at Esso in Haywards Heath. This job involves serving petrol, and dealing with customers. Rumor has it that takings have tripled since word spread that a Minor Celebrity was working in the garage, and business looks to be booming as the mortals of Haywards Heath flock to get a look at a hero of the calibre of myself. 

On Saturday, Crocs on Tour journeyed to Coventry to see the mighty Albion lose again, and in the process we received a puncture to the tyre. There is a full review on Crocs on Tour, and here, just for you, is the audio of not only McCarthy, but Neil Kane sharing their thoughts once again on BBC Southern Counties Radio. The evening before, as McCarthy and fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman were leaving The Weald Pub, Peter challenged McCarthy to say a well-known phrase on the radio. This inspired McCarthy and Kane to attempt to get at least one proverb-type saying into their call to Harty. You can see how they got on here, as McCarthy appears as Dillon, while Neil decided to go on as Garth.

To round this entry off, here are some images from the recent Badger Ales Sussex County Youth League North Division derby between Hassocks and Burgess Hill, which Burgess Hill unfortunately won 4-2. Images are, as usual, courtesy of Peter Chapman

McCarthy warms up for the big game	It is a quite start between the sticks
Hassocks go on the attack	McCarthy gets ready to deal with a high ball
The Burgess Hill bench	A bit of a scramble in the goal mouth
McCarthy prepares to make a save from a header	Coming out to collect the ball off of this players foot
Hassocks have scored	Burgess Hill on the attack
McCarthy is about to pull off a fine save with here	The team leave the pitch after the defeat

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