PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

FEBRUARY 2008

Thursday 28/02/08

An eventful week it has been in the McCarthy Penthouse. Fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman has been and gone, and has no doubt left Cheltenham a more rounded and better individual for the visit. On Thursday, he was thrown into a mosh pit by McCarthy at a local club, and ended up flying through the air before bouncing off a wall, much to the amusement of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity. Friday saw us explore Cheltenham on a shopping visit, before the evening was spent in another club - Fever, this time with an 80s feel to it. This saw McCarthy, Chapman and guest Alex Retter nearly pull women who were old enough to take up a pension. Unfortunately for Chapman, these decrypted monsters believed him to be gay. Quite where the rumor of that came from is anyones guess. Saturday saw McCarthy and Chapman out again, this time to 70s club Boogie Lounge, where one man was so desperate to dance with his Favourite Minor Celebrity that he attempted to pull myself out of my seat, which resulted in a blow to the stomach for him. Needless to say he was soon removed by the bouncers, as they were desperate not to lose their most star-studded clientele.

Apart from that it has been a quiet time recently, with funds being conserved for the big one - Robert Jones visit in two weeks time. It will be the first true and proper drinking session between the two since the infamous summer of 2006, when Robert was frequently searched for drugs and other such shenanigans. With the prospect of Gold Cup week making Cheltenham a hotbed of top quality women, mainly from posh backgrounds who will thus be gagging for it, it is hard to see how they will be able to resist men of McCarthy and Jones quality

McCarthy does his traditional maneuver	Chapman happy to take part in his first bin trick

Wednesday 20/02/08

Great excitement has reverberated around the town of Cheltenham Spa this week, with the news being broken that the Cotswolds is set to be graced with the arrival of Burgess Hills Most Respected Minor Celebrity in Peter Chapman. Yes listeners, this is not some sort of sick joke, it is indeed true that Chapman will be staying with McCarthy from tomorrow until Sunday, taking in a weekend. This comes about following Chapmans disgusting and downright awful treatment of Burgess Hill School for Girls, during which he managed to spark national media coverage over an innocent little Youtube video, which incidentally McCarthy had nothing to do with. Being the man of compassion and generosity that I am, I invited Pete to spend a few days with me at the McCarthy Penthouse in order to escape the fanatical money men now after him for us diabolic actions in the last week. I am sure our activities will be featured in the University Pictorial

In other news, McCarthy made his debut for Bishops Cleeve IV on Saturday, in a 2-1 defeat. This, however, would have been a lot worse had it not been for myself, being awarded a clear man of the match accolade thanks to a set of stunning saves. As good as this sounds, it may be best to point out that the standard was certainly not the highest Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has ever played at, but I was still a class above and it is the first step in the long road of regaining some fitness and a return to the Sussex footballing circuit

Finally, great confussion was caused at the Esso garage last Friday, when myself and co-worker Gavin decided to take advantage of some white plastacine that had been left lying around by sticking all the pennies down in the penny pot. This lead to many amusing situations in which customers struggled to remove their penny they required to pay for their petrol, and made the working day pass far quicker due to the ability to laugh at the stupidity of others

Friday 15/02/08

As is usually the case in these post-Valentines Day entries, I have to begin with thanking all you fans out there for the plethora of Valentines Day cards I received this year. While it may have been down on last years total, it was nice to know that while I may be gone, I am not forgotten in the hearts of Burgess Hillians everywhere

McCarthy gained legend status this weeks in the eyes of the Gloucestershire Fire Service, when he prevented a near-fatal fire from escalating. Yes listeners, some fool decided to leave a hob on in the penthouse kitchen, which then duly had a tea towel placed on top of it. Sensing a burning smell coming from the kitchen, McCarthy rushed in to see the tea towel burning. Without thinking of his own safety of welfare, he took this burning concoction of fabric, and placed it under the tap, saving a potentially dangerous fire. His efforts were not without sacrifice though, as severe smoke inhalation was the result, and this left Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity and fire safety hero coughing up all manner of mucus and other bodily fluids that were no doubt designed to remain in the spleen for the large part of last week. I can confirm that I have now made a full recovery

Last week was spent for the most part back in Burgess Hill, where myself and Chapman completed several projects that had been dragging on like a dead body caught under the bonnet of a car. This has, however, impacted the usual high quality service that we provide with regards to getting Randy Lawford material out to the masses, and I can only apologise for this. Randy is now nearly up to date however, and excitingly is taking part in the Play Radio Weight Loss challenge. Quite how he is going to lose weight he doesn't really have remains to be seen, but I am sure that modern science will provide a clever away around it without myself having to consume a ludicrous amount of carbohydrate loaded food in the next 48 hours

Tomorrow I make my long awaited comeback to the footballing arena, having been out of the game since September with a chronic lack of bone idleness. The excitement is no doubt building among the fans of Bishops Cleeve, as their 4th team gets the honour of having a former county youth league winning goalkeeper among its ranks. Oh how the mighty have fallen, but I guess that that is the result of a diet of cider, fast food and the will to do nothing except play Football Manager for 12 hours a day

Monday 04/02/08

Well listeners, we have no entered the second month of 2008, and I really do have bugger all to say on the matter. The most shocking thing that has happened in the last week has been McCarthy winning a monkey for his efforts in pin the tail on the donkey at the Student Union bar. But fear not people, this is a toy monkey, and a puppet at that, which infuriatingly has seen the strings become all tangled up and as such it is now unusable

My quest to regain some form of dignity in the stomach area has recently taken a turn for the better, with two sporting announcements. In one, McCarthy is widely expected to accept the offer of a return to footballing action with Bishops Cleeve FC. I also enjoyed a kick about in the local park on Sunday morning with some chaps, that now looks as though it could become a regular Sunday event. We can only hope so, as I was living prove of the phrase "If you've got it, you never lose it", with some deft touches and a stunning Le Tissier-esque volley that missed the post by inches, only to clatter into a nearby car

McCarthy returns to Burgess Hill tomorrow night for the first time in a month, but this will only be a brief visit, as he joins Alison McCarthy and Tom McCarthy in a trip to Wembley to see Fabio Cappello's first game in charge of the England team - a visit that will no doubt end in disappointment given the disastrous form of our sporting teams in recent months - see England v Wales Six Nations for a prime example

Speaking of Tom McCarthy, I would also urge all you minions out there to check out the Skype FAQ latest entry, as we use Tom as one of our victims in an attempt to sell him gas - despite the fact McCarthy Towers is an all-electric facility.

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