PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JANUARY 2007

Friday 19/01/07

While this website is no doubt here for your enjoyment, I also like to think of it as a shining beacon of advice in the darkness that we call the world. And today's entry is one which will enrich your life's forever, as it comes with a simple piece of advice - it is highly unadvisable and dangerous to hang out of a first floor window in the strongest winds the county of Sussex has seen since the hurricane of 1987. Scott McCarthy nearly found this out to his cost on Thursday morning. With the strong winds having raged all night, McCarthy returned from another tough night on the night shift, only to find that the wind had managed to dislodge the drain pipe that is directly next to the Rainbow Room. This resulted in the said waterway smashing constantly against the wall - the last thing anyone wants having returned from a 8 hour night shift. Enough was enough, so McCarthy climbed out onto the balcony in an attempt to rectify the problem - quite how I would of done it remains a mystery, as I stepped out, the force of the wind was quite phenomenal, and this resulted in myself nearly being thrown backwards. While I remember with fondness the time when I was a four year old and I got blown over, there is a slight difference between that and being thrown from a balcony. I managed to grab onto a roof tile to save myself, and after giving the offending pipe a kick to show my discomfort that it had got the better of me, I got back inside, eventually going to sleep in the supreme comfort of Tom McCarthys lair, where a rattling window then got the better of me - however, by this point I was so tired, given the fact that I had only had 7 hours sleep out of the last 48, that I slipped into a deep coma

McCarthy also returned from France in one piece on Tuesday, with no less than 90 bottles and cans of various alcoholic devices. However, he returned with no coat and no keys, and nobody is sure where they have gone! On their return to England, McCarthy and Kane with the Event, where copious young women attempted to get with Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity - but he knocked them all back. With a kitty of £40, £20 from each man, and drinks no more expensive than £2, McCarthy and Kane did extremely well to devour the money, even having the cheek to get into a set of girls random taxi, and make them pay for it back to Kane Towers. A top effort by all!

Monday 15/01/07

Well listeners, it was another drunken adventure on Friday night that saw Scott McCarthy and Peter Chapman enjoy the delights of several establishments across town. Beginning in Lindfield's Red Lion, we soon left to return to the Hill. I would therefore like to take this opportunity to apologise to all those fans who followed the rumors and arrived at the Red Lion just after the two Minor Celebrities had left, but the evening deemed a more lively venue, so the Hill it was. We frequented the Railway, which was traditionally busy, before heading to Jacobs Post, were McCarthy nearly managed to score with one women - until Chapman pointed out he knew her, and she had three children, probably from three different men. Peter then got mistaken for somebody else, and was asked how his two children were, which was quite bizarre. After this we headed to Pulse to dance the night away, were McCarthy finished on 11 pints for the evening and Chapman hit the 6 mark due to his earlier driving. From here, the walk home took in a notoriously dangerous trolley ride, and ended up in the skate park until the early hours of the morning for seemingly no reason. You can hear the journey from Jacobs Post to Pulse HERE. Remember the audio footage of Chapman explaining how he was going to marry a geeky girl he met after Dougie Lanes 18th? Well, he is at it again HERE. And finally, the photos from the night:

Chapman with the trolley	McCarthy with the now-famous bollard
The trolley that we eventually got on top of the skate ramp	Chapman attempts to join McCarthy on top of the big quarter pipe
On the skate ramp	Chapman on the phone - possibly to the Ellen girl?
Chapman coming onto McCarthy as we realise there is no way down	McCarthy looking worried for his anal passage due to being stuck on a ramp with Chapman

Sunday saw McCarthy treat Charlotte Humphreys to a day out at the zoo, which can now be seen in the Adventures section. Speaking of adventures, tomorrow sees McCarthy join Kane and company for a trip to the continent, with a booze-cruise to France. This could prove particularly problematic due to the fact that Scott McCarthy gets notoriously sea sick, and with our current weather situation it could lead to a less than smooth crossing to Calais. As always, all the action will be available for you afterwards on McCarthy Industries

And finally, it is a well known fact that over the years people have come up with many different look-a-likes for Robert Jones. It could be argued that people have tried too hard to find look-a-likes for the man. Before now, the closest we have realistically come has been a man only known as Brain from college - that was until last Saturday, when McCarthy stumbled across the undoubted double of Robert Jamie Jones on a tube train heading towards Upton Park:

It is such a real look-a-like that not only is he wearing Jones-esque clothing, but he also is going bald in a similar fashion to the squeaky one, and it would appear he also has flappy ears. What can you say, other than this proves that the popular myth about everyone having a double out there somewhere could well be true

Wednesday 10/01/07

Ten days into the new year, and it has already been filled with fun and frolic. On Friday, I proceeded to ruin myself heavily in Lindfield with none other than Bert Lloyd and Daniel Collin, and the long and the short of it as that I ended up in Pulse on my own until 2am, which although seemingly sad was actually enjoyable as one kind chap, obviously recognising me as the Minor Celebrity I am, pillared me with Smirnoff Ices throughout the evening. The walk home as a long one, a two hour one infact, quite why this took so long I am unsure

Saturday was another long drinking session for Brightons trip to West Ham in the FA Cup, and unfortunately Tom McCarthy managed to cause all sorts of chaos, somehow we avoided arrest. Monday was the day though when the years incidents really began, as the afternoon saw me visit an old acquaintance in Brighton, and I eventually ended up being locked in her wardrobe after what can only be described as a complete cock up of biblical proportions. This lead me to discover something I never knew about Scott McCarthy, and that is that he is claustrophobic. This has gone a long way to explain my seemingly irrational fear of lifts, which was seemingly irrational as I don't mind the ones where you can see out. So, after 19 years on planet earth, I finally have a phobia to be proud of. What a glorious day Monday was

Yesterday was another somewhat glorious day, as the Crocs on Tour intended trip to Bristol City was called off. So, instead of doing the sensible thing and staying at home, saving the money, we set off for Oxford Uniteds Kassam Stadium to watch their FA Trophy clash with local side Lewes. This turned out to be a complete and utter wankfest, as a 1-0 match decided by a disputed penalty was our reward for over 300 miles of journey. Even more annoying was the fact that we chose this game over our other option, which was the Madjeski Stadium and Reading v Burnley, which ended 3-2 to Reading and was a stormer apparently

Just when you think the day couldn't get any worse, you head through the A27's illustrious Southwick tunnel, only to be pulled over by a police car. With Mark Potter close to excreting himself, and Scott McCarthy worrying like a Jew whose been told to take a shower, we were relieved to escape with only a form of caution. The reason McCarthy was pulled over - because it is unusual to see two young lads driving around at 1am in the morning, and they suspected that it could be a case of drink driving. Unfortunately, McCarthy did not get a blow on the policeman's tube, as he was suitably convinced that McCarthy was sober, despite shouting "tune" as the officer took his details when Duran Duran came over the radio. Clearly the officer had good taste in music, and realising that a Minor Celebrity being caught drink driving would be highly unlikely due to the press coverage it would received, allowed us to go on our way

Tuesday 02/01/07

Here we are again, at the gateway to yet another year in the history of the Earth. New Years Eve was this year spent in the Weald, where McCarthy, Peter Chapman, Bert Lloyd, Robert Jones, Thomas Witham, Ian Simpson and Daniel Collin proceeded to ruin themselves somewhat chronic. It was a delightful evening, rounded off with a buffet and a fine disco provided by none other than Derek. Congratulations most also go to McCarthys first kiss of 2007, Tom Witham, and his second kiss of 2007, an attractive young blonde whom was once McCarthys schoolmate. 

However, Peter Chapman continued his usual drunken record of making a complete pillock of himself, when he congratulated the attractive girls father on his sperm, saying it most of been particularly good to produce someone that pretty. Nobody really knew what to make of this, was it a genuine compliment, was Chapman reeling for a fight with this man, or was it just his shockingly awful attempt at a chat up line? Much like the Marie Celeste, it remains a mystery to this day

Prior to the party, I spent a fine afternoon reacquainting myself with the dirty northerner that Charlotte Kate Humphreys has become since her move to Oxford. The afternoon was spent in Brighton, were despite the young women being dangerously into her overdraft, I would like to think I played a part in getting even further into it as our shopping trip saw her spend unnecessary money on unnecessary items, such as DVD's and a cook book. While it could be said McCarthy also spent unnecessary money on unnecessary items, I would argue that every home in the country should have a copy of Mein Kampf in it, along with the classic football hooligan movie Green Street

Yesterday saw a pointless trip to Bournemouth to see Brighton lose, which is now available for your enjoyment in Crocs on Tour. With 2007 comes a new fashion guide, which will be completed at some point in the future. I am reluctant to report I am going to have to cut this entry short now, as beans on toast for dinner has lead to a complete ruining of my digestive system, and as such I have just come incredibly close to 'declaring my territory' on my nice white shorts - hardly the ideal way to enter 2007, especially given the fact I have not lost control of my bladder in that way for over a year now!

HOME