PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JANUARY 2008

Wednesday 30/01/08

A great wave of excitement was pulsing through Cheltenham today, as the rumors were confirmed that McCarthy is indeed house hunting. Yes listeners, from next September McCarthy will no longer be in the McCarthy Penthouse flat, but will be taking up residence in a downtown establishment to allow him to be closer to the hub of the community. It means that one lucky road in this town will get a Minor Celebrity as there latest neighbour, which is no doubt going to increase house prices even more in the area and have people clambering to live near myself. Another example of the positive effect that my presence has on people

Last weekend I lost my Guinness Premiership virginity when I took in Gloucester v Wasps. It was a delightful day out, although I feel that my health may not have been done any favours by the unhealthy food consumption and drink consumption that an attendance at one of these games involves. It was infact a superb sporting weekend in the end, with Cheltenham Town inspired by my appearance into a 1-0 win over Carlisle, and then Gloucester winning 18-17 in front of my prying eye

On Friday, McCarthy was once again in court. It was rather boring, with just a series of pre-trial hearings taking place. Stereotypically, a black man was set to be done for drug dealing, and even more excitingly a black man who spoke no English was due to be charged with sexual assault. If he cannot speak English, then what on Earth is he doing in the country was my question - something that nobody could seem to answer, and just another example of what is going wrong in our once great country

Wednesday 23/01/08

Breaking news from the McCarthy Penthouse was heard yesterday about one of the biggest events in Burgess Hill history. While it is still in the planning stages, and a few issues remain to be ironed out, a potential movie is in the pipeline, featuring all manner of locations in the Hill. More to follow when details are released

Randy Lawford continues to make a name for himself in both the radio worlds and the world of Youtube. This time, he spend 30 minutes on Sunday nights Play Radio Chat Show, in which EIGHT callers called up to abuse him. As if this wasn't enough, his recent Youtube video, in which he instigates that all Star Trek fans are sad and need to get a life, peaked at the 2nd most discussed news and politics video in the UK on Monday, with comments coming in from all over the world. Most of these were excitingly derogatory, and mainly from fat Americans who one can only presume still live with their mothers

I will be making a trip to Gloucester on Friday to appear on court, although unfortunately it is not on any form of criminal charge, merely to report on a case. Hopefully it will be something juicy, like a rape case as opposed to j-walking

Tuesday 15/01/08

Another week is here, and with it brings great news for customers of Esso - yes, after a five month absence from the workplace, due to falling sales at the Esso in Bishops Cleeve, McCarthy is back in employment. There is sure to be a surge of interest from the yocals of Cheltenham and surrounding villages, and with the countries lack of confidence due to rising fuel prices in the great petroleum industry, this move signifies Essos determination to win back the public through appointing one of the most famous and reputable members of staff they have ever employed

This new job comes with new challenges - for their is a coffee machine to operate and ensure is running smoothly at my new home of work, along with the tough task of a car wash to maintain. Indeed, today I found out that there are two red chemicals in the stock room that need to be used to top up the car wash daily - however, one of these will clean the car, the other will use its acidic qualities to rip the paint work from it. A mistake that could have blood bayed for and insurance company repercussions. It means that, once again, McCarthy will need to rise to the top of his game in the world of petroleum, and become as an essential member of staff as he was working under the wing of the Burgess Hill Uncovered cleaner, who to this days testifies as to how good I was in the stock room

University work continues to roll along smoothly, and as the town of Cheltenham braces itself for more floods in the wake of torrential rain over the last 48 hours, there has been a surprisingly low amount of panic given the effect that flooding had on the Gloucestershire region last summer. This can surely only boil down to one thing - when this floods take place, McCarthy wasn't even on the continent, let alone in the country, let alone the county, let alone the town. Knowing that their favourite Minor Celebrity has stayed put in the McCarthy Penthouse, despite the warnings given, is a sign of confidence and as such is reverberating throughout the county. I can only look forward to recieving my MBE from the Queen for averting what could easily turn into a national disaster

Wednesday 09/01/08

It has been two hard days work at the McCarthy Penthouse in order to bring the site into the 8th year of this century, indeed this millennium, in style. Yes, after much searching of the archives, we can now present to you a fully updated version of McCarthy TV. Who needs Sky Plus remote record (because we believe you can be in two places at once), when you can have the entire library of McCarthy TV material available on-line, at ONCE. Yes minions, that is correct, every video that I have been able to find has been re-uploaded into the database to give hours and hours of viewing pleasure for either the chronically sad, the chronically bored or the chronically bed ridden

It has also been a busy time for Randy Lawford, as I seem to harp on about in every entry. All of his recent efforts in phoning up various radio stations have been uploaded to the audio section, at the request of several happy punters. Randy continues to work hard, and will this week by appearing on the Play Radio web cam at some point on Sunday evening dressed as Jesus Christ

McCarthy has also taken a further step in cementing his name among the greats of the community of Burgess Hill by taking up a position as columnist on Burgess Hill Uncovered. This prestigious role will act as a mouth piece for the towns Favourite Minor Celebrity to offer a serious insight into the goings on and the town, and to hopefully attract the attention of the public into making him their future dictator, while hopefully highlighting the problems that blight the town itself. Exciting times!

Tuesday 08/01/08

2008 is here, and it feels exactly the same as 2007. New Years Eve was what can only be described as a messy affair, as six tequila slammers before 10pm denotes. This year, McCarthy once again attended The Weald for the celebrations, and by the end of the night was significantly worse for wear. This was denoted with the starting of the New Years countdown a good minute early, which was met by outcry and joy within the pub. Once again, the buffet was delightful, with only the missing ingredient of cheese and pineapple sticks being a cause of complaint, and the ham was particularly good

Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has now returned to the McCarthy Penthouse in Cheltenham, where there is no food in the cupboards. This problem will have to be resolved today for fear of dying of hunger, as a man of my stature needs to keep his perfectly toned body in line

That is really all I have to report in this early stage of 2008. Keep a look out though, as some classic audio courtersy of Randy is on the way - including him winning the 2008 Play Radio Karaoke Contest, and going national by recieving the biggest laugh of the night on Iain Lee's first ever show on Virgin Radio. Exciting times!

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