PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JULY 2005

Thursday 28/07/05

Shocking developments at McCarthy Towers in the last 24 hours. I was informed by Chief Advisor Bert Lloyd that some gypsies had moved in within 100 metres of the Towers. This is a major issue - they are known for stealing and leaving rubbish everywhere, and being generally scum. In any other part of Burgess Hill this would not be an issue, but in Royal George Road it is serious trouble. Not only is McCarthy Towers, Burgess Hills Number One Tourist Attraction within shouting distance, you also have the Jones Crib, the Lloyd Family Estate AND the Burgess Hill Uncovered Offices all in the same area. A clever move by the gypsies, being in such a sought after and well populated area well get them attention, but it has lead to angry faces from all sides

So how does the Towers deal with this? Well, all tours of the building have been suspended so as not to let that filth into the house should they decide to join in. Chief of Security Tom McCarthy has been busy securing everything, and has also issued butcher knifes to each member of staff. A brief meeting was held last night, where all were briefed on what to do if someone comes to the door offering to re-do the Towers driveway or sell anyone lucky heather. After securing the house, the main issue was the Car Formerly known as the Chap Mobile, as due to the vehicles fame it would not be a surprise to see these pikies attempt to steal her. In order to protect the vehicle, a security guard has been hired to keep watch over her, and given a shoot-to-kill policy should anything suspicious be seen

The council kindly informed the Towers staff this morning that the gypsies should be moved on within four days, meaning they will be gone by Sunday. In the mean time, the advise coming out of McCarthy Towers is stay vigilant

For more on the gypsies on Fairfield Rec, see Burgess Hill Uncovered

Monday 25/07/05

A quiet time has been had in recent weeks by all at McCarthy Towers. With ankle ligament trouble meaning that Scott McCarthy has not been able to get out and about much. However, he is still in the media spotlight, as more allegations about his private life continue to go around regarding his recent break up of his marriage. Maybe it was the fact that he has realised he loves men like Peter Chapman more, but with all this rumor mongering it looks likely we shall never know the true facts. 

In other news, Sky Sports have finally realised the marketing potential that Scott McCarthy has. Putting together an advertisement for the Twenty20 final, it is McCarthy who appears on it, screaming down the camera. The footage comes from the Sussex v Surrey game, where your favourite Minor Celebrity was caught on camera. It is wonderful news, and another step towards that full celebrity status

Wednesday 13/07/05

There is only one purpose to this diary entry, and that is to set straight the rumors that have been circulating in the tabloid press this week about a number of things. Firstly, I will not deny or confirm the stories about my farmyard romp with a Danish pig. However, I do wish to set the record straight about the reports that have been flying around about Scott McCarthy's right ankle

I know this will be a tough pill for you fans to swallow, but it is true, your favourite Minor Celebrity has done some damage to his ankle. The said damage is to the ligaments in the right ankle, and there is also a sprain involved. This means that Scott McCarthy is currently on crutches. Despite the disastrous effects this will obviously have for Burgess Hill, it is not as serious as it sounds, and I hope to be walking again by the weekend. Now, for every great emergency guidelines are issued. There are always questions asked, and that is where this FAQ comes in, as I intend to set your worries straight

How will this effect Scott McCarthy's footballing career? - The injury should have no lasting effect, but the lucky nurse who got to feel McCarthys ankle has suggested that he takes part in no sport for at least 2 weeks, and it could take anything up to 6 weeks to fully heal. However, I intend to return to training within 2 weeks, which means that I will be back in time for Hassocks first pre-season friendly, and more importantly for the start of the Hamsters season

Will this injury prevent McCarthy's attendance at events? - No. Scott McCarthy has a full obligation to carry out his duties as a Minor Celebrity, and does not intend to let this injury stop him. He has already taken in the Oakmeeds Sports Day on his crutches, and has stated his intent to make some sort of contribution to the Old Students v Teachers cricket game at Oakmeeds this Friday

How has his education at Haywards Heath College been effected? - McCarthy has been forced to miss out on 2 days of college since the injury occurred on Monday, but fear not fans who intend this higher educational institution, he will be back in tomorrow to stop you committing suicide

How does this alter his situation with regards to driving? - He has been forced to take a couple of weeks break from his education in the skill of piloting an automobile, but this should not have too much effect on the plans of failing 6 times to overtake Peter Chapman's record

Is he on any drugs to help the ankle? - No. Despite pleas to the nurses at the hospital, they have not deemed that Halls Soothers will be of any benefit to the healing process

Will this effect his recent business initiative? - Not at all. McCarthy is still available for casual sex at a very competitive rate

I hope this clears up all of the questions you have with regards to the ankle. My only thing left to say is that thank you for the undreds of get well cards that have turned up on 3 lorries today - I appreciate them all and thank you very much to all those who have been kind enough to send gifts of confectionery. Carrot Cake is a particular favourite for anyone out there yet to do so

Thursday 07/07/05

Fear not fans - McCarthy is alive. Despite a valiant attempt by al-Queda, your Favourite Minor Celebrity has survived another attempt on his life. Having heard that he was in London today, there attempts have failed in trying to eliminate me. In similar style to the way that the President and Vice President don't travel together incase their transport is destroyed, it has been vital that myself and Peter Chapman have been kept apart today - imagine the trouble and outrage that would've been caused had we of both been killed. Burgess Hill would've fallen apart, and all your life's would be utterly desolate

The attacks have been rather inconsiderately timed. With all the world leaders at Gleneagles for the G8 summit, it meant that the police were left working out where the attack could lead in terms of taking out a vital British citizen. It lead them to one place - McCarthy Towers. It has been a case of red alert today, as McCarthy was constantly advised to leave college for the safety of his nuclear bunker. However, I did not wish to disappoint my college fans, so I remained in as long as possible. However, I could ignore the advise no longer, so it was with regret that I took English Language off to return to the Hill. I would like to apologise to all my fans in that lesson, but it was vital I got safely to my bunker. How long the Towers remains on red alert remains to be seen, but the worst of it certainly seems to be over 

On a serious note, it is an absolute disgrace what has happened today in London. September 11th didn't really effect me that much, but seeing something like this happen in an area of London where McCarthy is a frequent visitor makes you realise how close you are to death. It also increases my hatred for certain people, but, however tempted I may be, I am not going to bring my views on races or Hitler into this diary

It just leaves me to say that all of the prayers coming out of the Towers this evening go to those who have been injured and killed, their friends and families. May God Bless You all

Wednesday 06/07/05

Yes fans, things really are getting busy at the Towers. The time has come for McCarthy to being his University Applications, and this also means visiting several of Britain's fine educational institutions to narrow it down to which one will be lucky enough to have a Minor Celebrity as one of its post-graduates. They will be fighting over me like dogs fight over a piece of meat, but only one will get the honor. I will let you know who it will be when I know myself, but the first one to get the chance to shine is Aberyswtyh or however it is spelt, of Wales. On the west coast of sheepland, it apparently has a very good beach. This Saturday we shall see though, and we will find out whether it has the ability to handle having a person of my calibre and fame within its campus

It has been a quiet few days since Saturday though listeners. Sunday saw the joys of pre-season training re-commencing, which was excellent stuff. Monday was a wasted evening, as your favourite Minor Celebrity sat in the rain and watched Sussex play only 7 overs against Middlesex before the game being abandoned. However, all this summers Twenty20 action is available on the Sussex Barmy Army pages for you lucky fans

The big news though is the announcement of the Hamsters first game of the 2005-2006 season. And it is not just any game, oh no. It will see the Hamsters pit their skills against the Diamonds, in a 2-legged affair that will take place sometime in the next few weeks. It is the ultimate game, with some of the biggest names in football on show, and with a rivalry that is heating up more everyday, you can guarantee it will be a passionate game that will be bursting like a blister with excitement. The first leg will see the Hamsters travel to the Dolphin, while the return game will see the Diamonds visit the Hamsters Cage for the first time. It is set out to be the ultimate game

And that is all minions. McCarthy continues work on his Haywards Heath College prospectus page, which is on-course to be completed by the Friday deadline he offered. Today sees me continue in my education of piloting an automobile, which should be excellent. Friday evening I will also be taking in a dance show with a young fan, which could well be quite exciting. 

Saturday 02/07/05

My oh my, busy and exciting times at McCarthy Towers. Tuesday saw a trip to Alton Towers. Myself, Tom Witham, his young mistress and Robert Jamie Jones made the journey up t'Staffordshire, where a fine day was enjoyed. Amazingly, we managed to navigate our way there without getting lost, which bodes well for a trip to Stoke this season. The day was thoroughly enjoyable, as Jonesy nearly lost his glasses on a ride, managed to order McCarthy and himself completely the wrong dinner, and then walked straight past the Witham Mobile, and stood by another car, in which was a man who gave him a glaring look. The northerners were delighted to be able to see Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity in the flesh, and were obviously wowed by his fashion talent - an England shirt with 'Crouch 9' on the back, and a pair of Witham's rather vibrant swimming shorts really were the stuff dreams are made of. The day was topped off by getting a photo with several of the Tweenies as we left the park - although Jones stupidly managed to miss myself and Witham with our hands in the genetalia of Jake - something we were very upset about I can tell you now

And so what else has been happening? College has been progressing along like a dog chasing a piece of meat, as we near the end of term. Wednesdays English lesson was particularly thrilling, as we used the Early Learning Centre to look at old English via the medium of a computer. However, most of the class spent half the lesson looking through this fabulous website. My visitors would've gone through the roof - damn the college for having only one IP Address!

Cricket in recent days has also been thrilling. Sussex lost to Surrey on Sunday, but the game did see McCarthy get on TV. Obviously recognising Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, the sky sports cameras zoomed in on the great one, and his face was beamed all across the nation - no doubt making many women, and men, shiver at the sheer beauty of the man. Yesterdays game was very nearly rained off, but we did see a 12 overs per side game, with Sussex romping to victory. Zoe Emett got the honor of sharing McCarthys brolly as well, even getting to grasp it at one point. How many people can say that?  The Sussex Barmy Army is well and truly back in full force, as Scott McCarthys throat will vouch for this morning, although I'm not sure how I will ever live with the embarrassment of shouting 'Give me an S-U-S-E', forgetting the second S in Sussex. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't of done it twice. Oh dear!

I would like to apologise to my Year 11 fans for disappointing them all by not making the After Prom Party last night. After returning from the cricket, I cooked myself a delightful pizza, devoured it, and then promptly fell asleep on the Drawing Room sofa, only to awaken at 4.30am this morning, when some people were outside the Towers shouting. Obviously they were shouting to awaken McCarthy, and hope he would come out and give them a stern telling off. No doubt they wanted to see him naked as well, but I did not rise to the bait, and remained indoors. My missing the event also means I have another apology to make - to young Miss Emily Benyon. She has now gone on holiday without any sunglasses, as they are currently sitting in the Memorabilia room of the Towers. So for this, I apologise

Haywards Heath College is finally realising the advantages of having a Minor Celebrity in its ranks, as McCarthy has been asked if a page can be based around him for the new prospectus. This involves myself writing about a day at college from the Celebrity point of view, and will also include images of myself in the college campus. It is an exciting time, and of course I am happy to use my fame and popularity to help promote the fine educational institute. Despite this added task, website updates are coming thick and fast, with the Jones Chronicles now on-line, along with the Big Day Out. Sussex Barmy Army pages will be alive soon, as will another McCarthy TV update. Exciting Times!

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