PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JULY 2006

Monday 17/07/06

The hottest day of the year has not disappointed, as McCarthy sits here within the confines of the office, and despite the usage of a fan is still sweltering like an Eskimo in Africa. There is really only one thing to talk about in this entry, and that, of course, was this Saturdays BBQ

Beginning at 2pm when Dougie arrived, we soon realised how things would turn out. With just us two guests there, already we had 32 cans of Strongbow, 18 cans of Blackthorn, 2 bottles of Strongbow Sirrus and 4 Reefs. By the time the next guest, Peter Chapman arrived, with another crate of 24 Strongbow, it was pretty obvious the night would become messy. And that it did. With many people arriving, Ali and Tommy Mac did a fine job with the food, and the games went down like the titanic. Although disappointed with the winner of the pass the parcel, as I think most people realised who McCarthy would of liked it to be, it was important not to let this ruin the event, so I continued drinking

As the evening wore on, I become more and more ruined, until eventually it was hard to stand. Avril agreed to put some eye liner on me, and I was looking fine. As we enjoyed a group photo, as so often happens, Dougie managed to topple over while inebriated, and fell straight through the fence, taking McCarthy from the top of a pile of breeze blocks with him. I then spent the evening talking to guests, and struggling not to vomit, although I did this three times over the course of the day. By the evening, a number of guests had gone, and it was down to me, Tom Still and James Calver to continue drinking. Unfortunately, James passed out, and so myself and Tom were the last ones standing. Bizarrely, Doug turned up again around 3am having fallen off a first floor balcony at another house, he wandered into the kitchen, hit his head then left. McCarthy then managed to drop a whole tub of sugar all over the kitchen floor, and the clean up operation was finished with the snorting of some of it. With the house sleeping, I finally passed out at 4am, having polished off most of the remaining drink. I would like to list what I drank, but I do not know. However, I am aware that I passed the twenty can mark, so anything over that is a bonus. I awoke at around 9am under my dining room table, when drinking then recommenced

This was followed by a walk to Tesco for myself, Neil Kane, James Calver and Kev the Ape. I made the traditional purchase of a litre of milk and duly drank it, before spending the rest of they day recovering and sorting out the Towers. Overall, a pleasing evening of fun and frolic. Tom's take on events can be found by clicking HERE

This week sees a full week of working potential, but I hope to go out on Friday to enjoy an evening of Burgess Hill, which is something I have been unable to do for a number of weeks now. However, this will depend on plans and the talking to a young lady friend about a possible meet up, having not seen each other since just after New Year. How exciting

Friday 14/07/06

It has happened again fans. Yes, on Wednesday night, another fly infiltrated the McCarthy bedroom. Lying there, attempting to sleep,  I could not believe my ears as that all too familiar buzzing began. Initially thinking it was someone manly using a power drill, I tried to block it out. Then I remembered the nightmare of just over a week ago, and it dawned on me there was a fly. This one proved slightly more challenging to kill, this time I took the hands only approach, and after 10 minutes of locating it and chasing it, I finally crushed it against the roof of the Rainbow Room with my hand. After washing my hands of this insects bodily fluids, I returned to bed

Then, unbelievably, the noise started again. I was angered, yes, another one of these annoyingly annoying insects had entered the Rainbow Room. This one was even smaller, and so more difficult to catch. However, after another 10 minutes, I managed to squash him against the window. Not wanting to take risks again, I shut the window and sweated all night, but at least it stopped those damned insects entering the room

In other news, the BBQ approaches quicker now, and McCarthy and Chief Advisor Bert Lloyd have been working around the clock to ensure this years event goes without a hitch. The dance trophy has been found and is ready to be presented, and today will see final safety checks take place and the preparation of the lawn

There really is sod all else happening at the minute, apart from a shocking amount of work that should help my bank account, which currently looks as healthy as an Ethiopian child

Sunday 09/07/06

Well minions, it has again been a busy few days for McCarthy. After a week spent working, Thursday saw the opportunity for rest and recuperation. Again I gave one young lady the honor of spending a day with McCarthy, as I decided to treat young Charlie to day of the Mac. This started with some desperately dodgy automobile skills by myself, as we made our way to Brighton Marina. After spending a good few hours looking at boats to buy, we had a blazing row in one nautical shop, much to the amazement of the owners. It was then time to Pizza Hut it up, where we both completed 10 slices before I got absolutely raped on the dance machine. Luckily, McCarthy's revenge was extracted on the Rally car machine, proving that women should not be driving. After this it was off to Withdean, before a look around the Lanes, where some superb purchases were carried out.

The young lady clearly has an eye for a bargain, after picking up a nautical telescope device for a bargain £25. With myself being on a lot more of budget, it was something far cheaper that McCarthy would be looking to purchase. Many will know my obsession with tools that make a noise, as my myself and Robert Jones spent hours once looking for items of this calibre in the very same shop. The, we saw it. After attempting a fox hunting horn, which we very nearly got to work, it was there. Yes ladies and gentlemen, and old fashioned car horn in working condition that makes an incredible noise. I was short of money, but it was clear how much this meant to your Favourite Minor Celebrity, so the kind hearted Charlie made up the money I was short, and I am therefore the proud owner of this:

Overall, it was a splendid day and fun that McCarthy has not experienced for sometime. On Friday, myself and Thomas Witham went to the Bluebell Railway for the day, and as always a video and not images will be available when time is found to organise them. Friday evening saw the celebration of Dougies birthday, with a large party down the Rugby Club. This naturally resulted in everyone get hideously drunk, including Peter Chapman, who was unable to return home. He therefore had to spend the night at McCarthy Towers, and can be seen throwing up into a bucket in the Rainbow Room:

You can also hear what Peter thought of the evening by clicking HERE

Saturday saw myself and the Crocs journey to Worthing for the first pre-season game, the Albion winning 4-0. In the evening, we went to the Greyhound track, and with a paltry amount of money myself and Mark Funnell managed to double our expenditure of £2 to £4, hence ensuring we could have half a pint each. In the end, it turned out to be a wonderful evening of racing, and something that will have to be done again, especially with the standard of some local females around - including the dogs

Finally, just a happy birthday wish to Dougie for this Tuesday. Next week will see work and more developments towards the BBQ. Exciting times ahead

Wednesday 05/07/06

Last night, Burgess Hill saw the greatest battle of all time. Forget Lennox v Tyson, forget David v Goliath, forget the RAF v Luftwaffe, forget Napoleon v Nelson, forget Cybermen v Daleks (and my God, what an episode that will be on Saturday), yes, last night I took on my greatest foe. This was........McCarthy v the Fly

As I attempted to gain my beauty sleep last night, which I clearly don't need, I heard a buzzing. Initially accepting that it was coming outside, I attempted to ignore it. However, it became more and more agitating, and it then dawned on me perhaps it was in the room. After a brief check of the electrical equipment, I sustained the noise was coming from the window facility. To be shock and horror, there was some form of huge bug that was making the noise. Carefully selecting a finest pair of Brighton and Hove Albion football socks, I attempted to whack the thing into oblivion. Alas, I missed, and the fly flew off. After a solid 15 minutes of chasing this bloody thing around the room, with the buzzing being enough to drive any mere mortal mental, I decided for a change of plan. Using my knowledge of science, I knew that the football socks were too long and were therefore allowing the creature time to escape. I therefore decided to raid another draw, this time selecting a handkerchief. With its less surface area, I was confident. After another 10 minutes of patience, the little bastard finally landed on the curtain. This was it, like a fully trained SAS soldier, I approached, and duly managed to splatter the thing. Seeing its squashed body pressed against the window, I was overcome with a feeling of pure success. For after 25 minutes of patience and careful foreplay, I had destroyed my foe and could finally sleep peacefully

At least that is what I thought, until 5 minutes later the police helicopter decided to hover somewhere around the Towers. This is naturally not a quiet piece of machinery, and it would appear that all my efforts to destroy the fly would be in vein. Luckily though the disturbance was sorted rather quickly, and I was able to sleep. Until 6.30ish this morning, when I was woken at first by what I thought was a Muslim blowing themselves up. But now, we were in the middle of the biggest thunderstorm I have ever seen - the thunder was going off right above the Towers, and was therefore incredibly loud. It really is just as well I don't need beauty sleep, as otherwise last night would of had me looking like Margaret Becket

Sunday 02/07/06

Listeners, Scott McCarthy has become well known for some of the random and improbable things he has done when drunk in the past. These range from sickness, nakedness, scaling a 10 foot high chair, bush jumping, flying off the top of the statue of stability in St Johns Park, spending hours in the snow in a skate park, and waking up in a bush next to a man. However, this weekend has seen this stupidity, this randomness taken a completely new level

It was the culmination of days of work. Thursday, the last exam was finished and so McCarthy promptly went on a massive drinking spree, managing to spend over £50 in a fine 8 hour effort. This was due to young Charlie challenging myself that she could out drink me, needless to say the competition was suspended, but this did not deter myself from the challenge, as I went onto complete 6 pints, 4 cans, along with 2 liters of Reef and WKD. Friday was when things got really out of hand. The day started with a whiskey-fuelled breakfast, before Bert Lloyd came round. I then polished off another liter of WKD, a can of Carlsberg and an alcoholic cocktail, after which myself and Doug proceeded to the Lane Household to polish off 5 bottles of Cider each. We then demolished 2 Bacardi Breezers via strawpedo, before strawpedoing a further 2 bottles of Cider. It was then off to wish Hannah Van Den Boomen a happy 16th birthday, as we arrived at her party with a further £32 of alcohol. We then strawpedoed our way through 2 further Bacardi Breezers each, 4 WKD each and 4 Smirnoff Ice each. 1 liter of Smirnoff Ice was then consumed each, along with a bottle of Red Wine and 3 further Carlsberg's per person. As you can imagine, this ended in mess and what I believe was myself projectile vomiting into a washing machine. As if that wasn't enough, in the morning we went onto do a further pint in Pulse following the traditional breakfast in Truffles, and on the walk home is when the stupidity took place

Ladies and gentleman - your favourite Minor Celebrity has his ear pierced. Yes, an impulse buy of £12.50 while intoxicated saw McCarthy and Lane both have their listening devices pierced. I don't even want a piercing, let alone need one - but I have decided to keep it as a permanent reminder of why alcohol in such ludicrous amounts over the course of 53 hours is extremely bad. Here is the prove of the pudding, which almost certainly came in the eating:

Two pints in Pulse on Saturday morning - big mistake	Oh dear	Oh dear oh dear
Doug's ear after completion of pints	McCarthys ear after completion of pints

And not forgetting Doug EXPLAINING what had just happened. It summed up a pretty gash weekend really - I was extremely ill, not helped by inability to pass anything solid out of the system, even more untrue rumors are escaping about what McCarthy has been saying, England get knocked out the world cup, and I have a hole in my ear. The only positive of yesterday was spending it with Bob Jones in the Weald, where despite my state I managed to complete a further 5 pints. By this stage I was so drunk I was sober, which was a feeling I have never experienced again, and hope never to. I was therefore able to enjoy the game of football between the regulars in the garden after the game, and in particular Bob himself, completely ruined, hacking down some children, breaking his watch and ultimately tripping over the ball, much to the embarrassment of his son

Today saw pre-season begin at Hassocks, with our first game in two weeks time away at Pease Pottage. I am somehow still alive following the amount of fitness training that took place. It has also just dawned on me there is very little exciting times to look forward to. Yes, college is over but it means a lot more work in supplying Britain with petrol. Although the end of the week holds a light like a shining beacon in a tunnel.....

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