PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JUNE 2005

Friday 24/06/05

Well fans, it has been a busy week at the Towers. The BBQ on Saturday was a rip-roaring success, as everyone enjoyed themselves. Only the addition of Robert Jones and Michael Howard, dressed as a rabbit, could of made it a more exciting spectacle. The dance competition was superb, and I don't think anyone who was there will ever forget Kev the Apes break dancing talent. It really was the stuff dreams are made of. However, things became complicated in the evening, as a number of events seemed to occur, and rumors spread faster than Tim Henman's exit from Wimbledon (Cheers for that one Jonesy!). Most of these rumors seemed to revolve around myself and Carina, which is obviously to be expected when you are a prestigious minor celebrity couple like ourselves. Sunday was spent supporting the other half in a dance competition at the Triangle, which was dandy.

The week has petered into abnormality. Myself and Mr Joe Sturgess were delighted to see Phil Babb in a magazine we were studying in Media, and read interesting stories such as 'Why I faked my own death' and 'My leg exploded'. Truly gripping stuff. Wednesday has seen another lesson in the art of automobile control, as I mastered right turns. It means that killing small children will now become a lot easier, and surely a joy to behold. Wednesday I joined Ali Mac at the County Ground, Hove, as Sussex beat Essex convincingly in Twenty20 action. Next Wednesday will see the return of the Sussex Barmy Army, which will be an event only bettered by sexual relations between John Major and Edwina Currie. 

Thursday saw the release of the football fixtures, which means that Crocs on Tour 2005-2006 is now in the planning stages. Derby away, Hull away and Leicester away are already confirmed within the first few months. Tuesday 18th October will be the big day though - just 8 days after Scott McCarthy Day XVIII, Brighton travel to Palace. A mammoth Crocs on Tour will no doubt be in place for that prestigious game. Exciting times are a coming!

Thursday 16/06/05

Hello dear listeners, and a fine day of preparation it has been at McCarthy Towers. The preparation I mention is in planning for the 2005 McCarthy Industries Annual BBQ. This year will see a large number of exclusive guests asked to enjoy the hospitality that only a day at the Towers can give. And, I am reliably informed, only Dale Winton giving a massage while totally naked and dancing to that Elvis classic 'Hound Dog' is better than what is in offer here at Burgess Hills Number One Tourist Attraction. But I shall come to that shortly

Yesterday saw McCarthy continue his education in the skill that we call piloting an automobile. This lesson passed without events, as the difficulty of left turns was conquered, with the prospect of right turns to come. Exciting times, and once I have mastered the ability of turning, I will be able to navigate our fine roads and engage in much more road kill than is currently possible. One lucky nurse at the Meadows Surgery than got the honor of injecting myself with an MMR vaccine. No doubt all the old people who were in the surgery, complaining of a squeaky hip, can die happy now in the knowledge that they have seen Scott McCarthy in their doctors. Despite being told to sit down for 10 minutes after the injection, I enjoyed a 5 minute talk with Andy Davies, then left to return to the Towers, via Tesco Express of course, for a bar of a chocolate persuasion. However, on the journey home, I had a sustainable lactic acid build up, which was unusual seeing as I was breathing aerobically at the time. I pondered over why I went into oxygen debt, and came up with the conclusion that it was a combination of my poor fitness level and general lack of mobility. However, my legs still felt somewhat tired in the evening as well, which lead me to question whether this was a side effect of the drug, or whether it was just me. I will attempt to carry out some tests and report back

So today saw a return to college for a careers day. All in all not that exciting, although I did enjoy the personal statement part of the day. It was invigorating to say the least. After returning home, I continued my diet by visiting Kentucky Fried Chemicals for a spot of lunch, and then I began a marathon of spending, as I bought all manner of prizes for the different events that the BBQ will hold for the guests. I will end this entry by showing you fans what can be expected at this years events, with a video clip that has never before been seen on the internet. It was a test of strength - McCarthy, Bert Lloyd and Sailor v Andy Cole in the ultimate TUG OF WAR

QUOTE OF THE DAY: PE teacher Elaine was distraught in the Personal Statement session. Close to tears, she informs McCarthy: "Scott, I couldn't get your website to work". I enquired "Did Steve give you the address?" "Yes" came the answer. "He's probably given you the address to one of his cheap porno websites then"

Tuesday 14/06/05

Good day fans, and welcome to another entry into the life of your favourite Minor Celebrity. It has been a quiet few days, revision free due to my exams finishing. So, friends and lovers I hear you cry, what has Scott McCarthy spent the last few days enjoying? Casual sex, low cut drugs, alcoholic consumption? No, for I have spent it wisely enjoying the delights that our fine country England has to offer

With this in mind, Friday night saw me put on my boots, and take part in our countries favourite sport of football. I gave some Oakmeeds children the opportunity of a lifetime, as they can now say 'I have played alongside Scott McCarthy'. And the team I lined up for, Parkour FC, won the game 8-6, with myself claiming 6 of the goals, and possibly the 7th, after my cross was deflected in by the opposition goalkeeper. Saturday was a quiet day, as the previous evening had taken its toll, so myself and Bert Lloyd enjoyed a town visit, where some exceptional bargains were purchased from the Salvation Army. We then enjoyed taking in another of our countries fine sports in cricket, watching a fine game at St Johns. Research then took place, as myself and Bert investigated the condition of our preferred venues for the up-and-coming Mac Industries v Mierosoft Twenty20 game. We discovered that the Jupps Fish Shop Cissbury Park Arena was unusable due to it being more like a beach than a cricket stadia, and on investigation we have narrowed the potential venues down to 2 for this prestigious game - either the Kwikfit Fairfield Recreation Stadium, or the Unsponsered Poveys Close Stadium. A final decision will be made this week

Saturday evening saw McCarthy attend the Hassocks FC presentation evening. Several interviews were taken, which will appear here eventually. Pat and Joel Harding invited McCarthy, along with the rest of the team back to their residence for a party, but alas, I could not find transport there as there were no taxis until 2am, and Ditchling was a bit of a walk. So, the party had to go ahead without the presence of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity - no doubt it wasn't the same without him there

Sunday saw a mammoth 4 hour session of football at the Rec, with myself, Bert Lloyd, Peter Chapman, Doug Lane and Kieran Elliott enjoying some shooting practice, a penalty shoot out, a press up challenge, a crossbar challenge, headers and volleys and a 3-on-3.

Yesterday was on of the best days of the year. A pizza hut challenge which saw McCarthy claim a new record of 23 - all the action HERE. England beating Australia in a Twenty20 game by 100 runs in the evening was absoliutley delightful, and then the evening was wrapped up in style with Michael Jackson being cleared of all charges in his child abuse case. Justice has been done! Does life get any better than Monday 13th June 2005? Well, if John Major were to say "Scott McCarthy, lets make love together in the back of a black taxi in the middle of Hyde Park" then perhaps it would've been a better day, but that is another story for another time

Friday 10/06/05

Listeners, it does not seem fair that Scott McCarthy has been returned to our fair and fine country, this septic isle, for a whole week now. And somehow, I am still peeling - oh yes, nearly 2 weeks after being sun burnt and McCarthy is still peeling - that is what I would call an effort. So, apart from this irritating itching, what has happened in recent days I hear you cry?

Well, exams has been the main agenda. A frustrating period on Football Manager 2005 has seen me neglect the game somewhat - no matter what I do, I cannot get my Atalanta side to perform. It is my first full season in charge of this mighty team, and after taking over with them bottom in October of last season, I lost only 3 more games all season and claimed 4th spot in Seire A, and a Champions League place. Burt this year we are stuck in mid table. It may be time to bite the bullet and leave - hell, I'm so desperate I even applied for the Crystal Palace job. A chance to ruin that club should I be given it!

After a quite revision session in the park yesterday with the wife, we were joined by Thomas Walmsley, and ventured into town. McCarthys bleak money situation saw him take a gamble - and buy a lottery ticket. It had to be done, such as the grave peril that I am facing. Tom Walmsley also wished to purchase some cigarettes for one of McCarthys young followers - but loe and behold, the Summerfield staff asked him for ID! 18 in 4 months, and he was being asked to prove that he was 16! It was a scene of a marvelous persuasion. Luckily, McCarthy was able to buy the products, and flashed around his provisional driving license just for the hell of it

Apart from these few events, it has been a revision based week. However, today sees my last exam, so updates can begin. Next Saturday is also looking like the confirmed date for the 2005 Annual BBQ - this year will see several new guests making their BBQ debuts. It should be a fine event, especially with some of the games that we have planned.

Tonight sees a defining moment in the footballing career of Scott McCarthy - yes, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will be making his Parkour FC debut at the Triangle. A player shortage has seen him bestowed with this great honor, and it is sure to be a tough game. And for those of you with a lack of football knowledge, and even those with a full knowledge of football - I have included a little multimedia feature for today's diary entry to show you the calibre of players that McCarthy will line up alongside tonight. I recommend that you view it, it is golden - CLICK HERE

Tuesday 07/06/05

There was great panic at McCarthy Towers today, for Tom McCarthy had forgotten it has the anniversary of his marriage to Alison McCarthy. He looked more agitated that normal when this drastic and disturbing fact was revealed to Scott McCarthy last night, during a particularly fantastic series of Only Fools and Horses, enjoyed via the medium of a Digital Versatile Disk. He just exploded: "OH SHIT, ITS OUR BLOODY ANNIVERSARY TOMORROW". But alas, panic was averted after a soothing cup of tea, and a card was purchased this morning from the Gem - crisis averted. 

So, my fans, I hear you cry, what has McCarthy been up to since his return from the haven of Spain. Well, I have spent copious amounts of time on the BHU Message board, as well as rediscovering my love for that fantastic IT Game of Year 11 - Denise Lewis Heptathlon. Yes, that classic game that once took the coveted link space of Burgess Hill Uncovered has regained my attention. It is like a former lover - one who I cannot leave alone, I just have to go back for more. And more. And more. The shot put still gives some difficulty, but I am hoping that I can rediscover my old form. However, I fear that no matter what standard I reach, I will be unable to hit the heights that Sam Reeve achieved in this great game, when he set a world record in every event. It was such a moment that McCarthy had to stand up and applaud, in similar fashion to how I would if Charles Kennedy said: "I don't care about my political career, take me from behind right now Scott".

Politics exam today was thrill a minute stuff. My total lack of revision due to other commitments *cough* mini clip golf *cough* did not seem to make much difference, and I did as well as could be expected given my drastic lack of revision time. I now have only 2 more exams remaining, until it is on to A2 - when the real cookie will crumble. Tomorrow sees me hit the road for another driving lesson. One wonders if it will pass without incident, or whether another altercation with a white van will be in order

And for all you Year 11 Fans out there, the big news is that Scott McCarthy will be attending this years after prom party! Yes, such is the demand of Burgess Hills Minor Celebrity, that he has been invited to attend this prestigious event and entertain the masses with his famous Oakmeeds impressions. Needless to say, if it is half as good as last years effort, it shall be a rather enjoyable and lush evening. Possibly even a party with erect potential.

Scott McCarthy has also stumbled across a set of classic photos from December of last year. They were taken by one of my fans, and depict a Hassocks Youth Team game in all its glory. Naturally, I have only chosen the images involving myself to use, as that is all you people care about, and no doubt will want to dream of removing every inch of my football kit slowly, while caressing my face. So here they are (Scott McCarthy apologieses for the poor picture quality. This was to do with the fact I couldn't be buggered to scan all the images in, so chose the easy option of taking photos of them using a digital camera):

McCarthy sends a kick up field. Hamsters star Ian Simpson can be seen wearing 6	McCarthy rolls the ball out to his fellow Mac Industries FC team mate Tom Walmsley
McCarthy is seen making a world class save here	Hassocks under pressure. If memory serves correctly, they lost this game 2-1 - but scored for the first time in 6!

Saturday 04/06/05

Hello minions, McCarthy has returned from Spain in one piece. I am not intending to go into detail about my simply fantastic visit to Valencia, so instead you can have a look at it for yourselves by clicking HERE. Needless to say, it was a simply fabulous week. So, I hear you cry, what has Scott McCarthy done since his last entry. Nothing would be the correct answer, a few bits of revision and that is all. However, planning for the BBQ is underway, with a date finalised and a number of distinguished guests set to be invited to an afternoon of fun and frolic in the Towers grounds. A potential camping trip to France for the Crocs on Tour has also been muttered, but money is tight and will, as always, dictate McCarthy's appearance on such an illustrious trip. With the cricket season in full swing, the Sussex Barmy Army will be up and running soon, as the Twenty20 begins this month. McCarthy has his tickets, have you got yours is the question

The fantasy football season has finished, and I am *cough* pleased *cough* to say that Ian Simpson is this years champion. He takes the crown from Scott McCarthy who won the Euro 2004 competition. Here is the final table:

Pos		Team	Pos. Change	Total
1		SIMMOS SELECT	Up 1 place	1033
2		Flash Gordons Fantastico	Up 1 place	1032
3		McCarthys Magic	Down 2 places	1013
4		Gaz Wonders!	No Change	988
5		Wellsys Wonders	Up 1 place	964
6		Peter Chapmans Legends	Down 1 place	943
7		ape united	No Change	906
8		Berts Babes	No Change	899
9		Domz Dominatorz	Up 1 place	820
10		Come On Newcastle!	Down 1 place	800
11		Dimbeldores	No Change	690
12		the championship is better	Up 1 place	664
13		Bearded XI	Down 1 place	663
14		United All the Way	No Change	596
15		THE ROCKERS	No Change	561

There we have it, Simmo claims the crown by one point from Chris Traylen. McCarthy claims a top 3 place, while Gary Harding sneaks the final Champions League spot. And for all you statisticians, I have decided to produce the table below, which highlights each teams position at the points, usually at the end of each month, when I revealed the table on here:

	Team	Aug	Sept	Nov	Jan	March	Finish
	SIMMOS SELECT	4	6	6	3	2	1
	Flash Gordons Fantastico	3	4	4	1	3	2
	McCarthys Magic	6	5	7	4	1	3
	Gaz Wonders!	9	9	5	5	4	4
	Wellsys Wonders	n/a	15	13	8	6	5
	Peter Chapmans Legends	7	3	2	6	5	6
	ape united	2	2	3	2	7	7
	Berts Babes	11	8	8	7	8	8
	Domz Dominatorz	10	7	9	11	10	9
	Come On Newcastle!	1	1	1	9	9	10
	Dimbeldores	8	12	11	10	11	11
	the championship is better	12	11	10	12	13	12
	Bearded XI	5	10	12	13	12	13
	United All the Way	14	14	15	14	14	14
	THE ROCKERS	13	13	14	15	15	15

It makes interesting reading, especially with Come on Newcastle - managed by Jones, they were unmovable at the top in the first half of the season - that was until something went drastically wrong, and they finished 10th. Congratulations to Ashley Wells and Wellsys Wonders - didn't enter until September, and improved every month to gain a very creditable 6th spot - question you have to ask is what would have happened should Wells have entered from the start. And finally, this seasons winning team was:

Fantasy Football will, of course, be back next season!

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