PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

JUNE 2006

Monday 26/06/06

Four exams remain in the next 3 days for McCarthy, after successfully completing one today. But of more concern is my seeming inability to digest any food that I eat. Minions, today already I have had to relieve myself of substance four times - twice in my own home, and twice at Tom Walmsley's. While this is un-natural in itself, the more concerning aspect is the make-up of my substance. Today, I have not managed to pass one solid thing out of my anal passage, it has been pure liquid falling from her, with lumps in. Clearly distinguishable today were pieces of pineapple from last nights Papa Johns pizza. This is extremely concerning. I will look to make another report after tonight's meal, although I am pleased to report that lunch is yet to pass out of the system

Yesterday was spent watching England and a display of complete ineptitude once again, particularly with Frank 'shoot like Jones' Lampard in the team. How that man is playing is simply beyond me - especially when you have English footballs very own Horatio Nelson, Francis Drake, Lord Kitchener and Winston Churchill rolled into one on the bench in Peter Crouch. It was then time to enter the County Ground for 2 and a half hours of ELTON JOHN, the great man himself serenading legends in the crowd such as myself, Tom Witham and Mike Gatting. Highlight of the day before though was standing on a balcony above the ground, situated in the flat owned by Tom's grandmother. As the crowds entered, around 10,000 people were in at this point, and Witham and McCarthy applauded the crowd as they saw their heroes raised above them. McCarthy decided to take things one step further by giving a Nazi salute to the crowds below in true Hitler fashion

This weekends evenings have again been filled with drunken adventure. McCarthy and Jones painting the town red on Friday night, Robbie again being sick in the Railway and, bizarrely, getting searched for drugs. Unfortunately, McCarthy lost his watch at some point in the evening, and despite the best efforts to look for it we are still none the wiser as to its location. 

Saturday was a different matter. Celebrating the signing of Mr James Calver for the Hamsters, it was time for us two to hit the town. We enjoyed a sophisticated jug of Pimms before heading into town, visiting both the Railway and finally Jacobs Post before falling asleep together in a bush. It was a night of sheer magnitude, which also included much trolley pushing and frolics. Here are some choice images:

James and young dog Annabel or however it is spelt	One of many glasses of Pimms, combined with Fosters
The result at the end of the evening was this, James is unable to walk, which lead to a bush being used as a sleeping area for the night

Events coming up this week are being kept somewhat under wraps for security purposes. I am not sure why, but they are

Tuesday 20/06/06

Well minions, it has been a busy few weeks for Scott McCarthy since my last update. On Saturday 10 June, I embarked on another one of those 'sessions', this time though, it was a session with a difference. This time, it was with Robert Jamie Jones, seen here in The Weald during the England game:

Yes, the great man was sick twice in the Railway, as we completed 13 hours of alcohol fueled fun. While in the Railway, a man whom I had not seen for many moons came in - it was only Mike Fletcher. It was fun to reminisce, but then things took a turn for the worse with the emergence of James Calver

Whenever I end up with James, things seem to take a turn for the worse. Whether this involves having to break up a fight outside the kebab shop, myself waking up with lard, apple and banana in my hair, myself discovering my shoes are full of washing up liquid, him attempting to get action with his dog, or just general nakedness, there always seems to be something eventful. This time was no different. Bush jumping was taken to a new level, as we proceeded to do a number of them topless, followed of course by the famous walk home - which naturally ended on the big chair, where I very nearly broke my leg by falling through one of the gaps. Another eventful evening, and hopefully a sign to come as to what will happen with the BBQ

This week really has passed into insignificance. Two exams have been and gone, meaning that only a week is left of examinations. I have spent most of this time watching the World Cup in the Weald and various Brighton establishments, as was the case last week when I was joined by Tom Witham and Tom Cutting, and then later Joe Cutting for a tour of Brighton establishments and all 3 games. I have decided that should the inevitable happen, and I end up failing my exams, I will not retake next year but simply seek a job somewhere, or alternatively lead a life of crime by moving to Peru and becoming a chimney sweep

Friday saw myself achieve one of my goals, as I met Shane Warne. There is a full review on the Sussex Barmy Army section of the site. The evening was notable for the country as a whole, as Scott McCarthy was shown at the end of the game, dancing topless on a bench to celebrate Sussex success in reaching Lords. Yes, not only was Your Favourite Minor Celebrity seen on Sky Sports 1, but for those with High Definition TV's, you lucky consumers would have seen every ripple and shining piece of muscle in HD. Rumour has it that their was a record number of divorces being filed on Saturday, as men were desperate to get rid of their women who simply could not perform that evening after seeing such an arousing and sexual-thought provoking moment on TV.

Finally, Sunday was deemed a random Sunday by myself and Dougie. This included an impulse shopping section in Tesco, in which we attempt to buy the most random items possible. This time it involved purchasing liters of Strawberry Milk, which turned out to be horrid, two sandwiches and very nearly a hot roasted chicken

Dougie debates whether we should attempt to eat a whole cooked chicken between us	McCarthy is more tempted by the milk and dairy products section
Doug is soon in agreement, as we purchase Nesquik Strawberry Milk	Mackers is not at all hung over, and is more than happy to serve us

And, naturally, here are two commentaries for you to enjoy from the day. The first comes as we travel round Tesco in order to complete out impulse buying, while the second is compiled at the end of the day, as for some bizarre reason we sit in a car park doing nothing

Friday 09/06/06

Listeners, today I have learnt an important lesson - never go shopping with a woman, particularly when it is your mother. Usually, the chauffeuring duties for Ali Macs Friday shopping run fall to her father, but alas, he is away on a cruise at the minute. With Tom McCarthy conveniently at work, this meant the duties fell to me. Being the loving son I am, I accepted them, but alas, this would prove a mistake

Many of you will know that the McCarthy family has somewhat of a history with the parking system in Waitrose. You take a chip coin, and then pay for it before you leave. On several occasions Tom McCarthy has claimed his chip coin was paid for, but did not work and therefore gained free exit. Loyal readers of the diary will remember the incidents in the car park of January 2004. Here is a recap:

"With these new parking machines in Waitrose, you have to use a small chip to place in the machine. Well, my father wound down the car window, placed the chip in, and then it rolled out. Infact, it rolled away. This meant a frantic five minute search for the chip, which was eventually found having caused a small traffic congestion in the car park. In true Tom McCarthy fashion, he wasn't best pleased"

Today though, Alison McCarthy managed to take things one step further. Before even getting to the pay machine, or the barriers, she managed to lose the chip. Completely vanished. So that was a £5 pay out to get a new one. A total and utter cock up yet again

Yesterday I managed to do a whole 3 hours of revision in the Towers grounds. After having a few cans of Strongbow, I also appeared to fall asleep for a period, and with no sun cream on this was fatal. It meant I burnt something chronic, and my torso is now of a lobster colour. Another lesson for you people - wear sun cream. It is the only way

With the World Cup kicking off in 3 hours time, I can see the majority of the next month will be spent enjoying the hospitality of the Weald, with the promise of every game live in there. Anyone is welcome to join McCarthy, although I would prefer females/Peter Chapman

Monday 05/06/06

Tomorrow could be the last day of the world - 06/06/06. The devils number. Let me explain where the theory comes from with a little bit of my biblical knowledge coming through here. After taking a little inspiration from The Omen, I have created this thrilling theory about the end of the world coming tomorrow - Satan will ride in on a blaze of flame, before Jesus comes from Heaven to defeat him and judge the world

The final book of the New Testament is called Revelations, and deals with the events prior to the coming of the anti-Christ, in other words Satan's version of Jesus. In this book, the interesting passage reads:

"When the Jews return to Zion, and a comet rips the sky, and the Holy Roman Empire rises, then you and I must die. From the eternal sea he rises, creating armies on either shore, turning man against his brother, till man exists no more"

All rather compelling. So how does this relate to modern day life? Well, placing together the knowledge I have gained from copious amounts of exposure to the Discovery Channel, and the "500's" as I call them on Sky, all those channels that have these interesting documentaries, along with my own interpretation and that of the movie the Omen, I have come to the following conclusions

When the Jews return to Zion - Mount Zion is something to do with the mountain on which Moses received the ten commandments. It is, therefore symbolic of the nation state of Jews - Israel. So, the Jews returning to Israel. This happened at the end of the second world war, when Palestine was split into two, and a new Israel state created. So, in affect, the Jews have returned to Zion

A comet rips the sky - this is something I am less sure on given my lack of knowledge of astronomy, but this could either link into the near-miss Earth had with a comet a few years ago, and I have even pondered over the current position of the comet that orbits our Sun whose name escapes me now. It could also stand for the recent advancements in space channel, as comets could be a metaphoric term for spaceships

The Holy Roman Empire rises - the Roman Empire was massive, covering virtually the whole of Europe and some of Africa. This could easily be represented by another growing political force - the European Union, which continues to grown and gain power. It was even described somewhere as the "modern Roman Empire"

The eternal sea - No idea what this means either

Turning man against his brother - Men turning against each other? Sound anything like the recent spate of terrorism that has been taking place throughout the globe. 

Is it that these Muslims are infact the disciples of Satan? Will all this evil lead to Jesus returning in a blaze of glory to save the Earth? Will it all be over by 1.20pm so the fact I have done bugger all revision for my politics exam is irrelevant? So many questions, so many different answers. But if this is to be my last diary entry due to the end of the world - it has been nice knowing you all, and see you in the Garden of Heaven

Scott J. McCarthy

Sunday 04/06/06

Children - I am back. After near on 3 weeks without internet access, McCarthy has returned to you in a blaze of glory not seen since Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey. So, what has happened in the last few weeks. I will tell you the bits I consider to be interesting to myself, the key bits in the last 3 weeks of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrities life

On Friday 19th May, I was delighted to be a guest at Wine in the Park, an event that saw myself, Oliver Wright, Tom Binstead and Jake Vickers go to Sainsburys, purchase 5 bottles of wine along with a pork joint, cheesecake, cheese and biscuits, kettle chips and various other sophisticated foods and then enjoying a picnic in the Dolphin park. It was simply a classic afternoon, after which Oliver struggled to walk. Here are some images:

Oliver collects the items we would like in a trolley in Sainsburys	In the park, and McCarthy has a packet of classic cheese biscuits
Oli tucks into a pork pie	Tom toasts a fine afternoon of food and drink with another glass of wine
A carefully constructed cheese and biscuit snack

After wine in the park, McCarthy had his hair shaved off, and then went and got rather drunk at Sarah Sloans 18th birthday party. After journeying to Mooch and then KB with old pal Chris Traylen and Matt Wood, I then played the peacemaker role, breaking up a potential fight between James Calver (who incidentally looks set to sign for the Hamsters) and some random pikie. 

I then completed my college education a week later, on Friday 26th May 2006. This resulted in a 13 hour drinking session, beginning in the Burrell, Haywards Heath and ending in the Red Lion, Lindfield, via a fish and chip supper and a cider festival in The Stand Up. Yet again, McCarthy was heavily under the influence. And so Saturday came around, it was McCarthy and Lane who enjoyed the rugby on TV at the Lane Residence and another day of fun drinking. Sunday saw McCarthy travel to the Millennium Stadium for the League Two play-off final, with full details on the Adventures page

Monday was a bit of a shambolic day. The 3 days of heavy alcohol caught up, and after viewing another Sussex win with Oliver and Martin Wright over Somerset at Horsham, I went to Lizi Summers 18th party at the Junction. This could be seen to be a mistake, as the solid drinking of the weekend lead to troubles. I would therefore like to thank all who journeyed back in Charlie Humphrey's car, and indeed Charlie herself for ensuring I got home in one piece. That weekend was a very true effort

On Tuesday, I journeyed to Brighton, were I met Neil Kane. The day was a typical day out with Kaney, which involved basically taking the michael out of everything possible with all manner of innuendos and remarks that shouldn't be repeated, but no doubt will in the future. Here we are with a big gorilla in Virgin:

This week which should of been one filled with revision has not been. It has become a week in which I have traveled to cricket with Kane and Mark Potter on Wednesday, on which I went to funeral on Thursday and ended up going to the Weald on my own in the evening, and getting absolutely ruined on rum and coke, and Friday to Brighton with Robert Jones. 

Saturday, I WAS THERE - as Peter Crouch netted a hat-trick. I will not beat on about it here - but he really is Gods gift to football. There is obviously a full update on the adventures page. And today - Ali Macs birthday has seen another day completely wasted in the Weald. With a supposed week of revision ahead, I can see it could be wasted in that establishment. I just pray they have enough Strongbow to keep a desperate McCarthy at bay

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