PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

MARCH 2006

Sunday 26/03/06

Well children, since 7am on Tuesday morning I have had a grand total of 23 hours of sleep, an average of just under 5 hours a night. This means that I am, infact, already under my target of 6 hours per night. However, the long term effects are kicking in again, only this time significantly earlier. After Thursday nights marathon of work, the 6 cans of Red Bull were in my system, and I was therefore unable to sleep, gaining around an hour in total

Since that fateful day, I have enjoyed several glasses of alcohol. Next weekend promises to be one of a very heavy nature as well, as Sunday Hassocks Youth will be presented with the Badger Ales Sussex County Youth League North Division trophy, after winning the league today with a comftable 7-0 win over Hurstpierpoint. A heavy drinking session to celebrate will obviously be planned

Last night was an interesting one. After a rather strange evening, walking home I met a young lady called Sam. She is 20, in her second year at Canterbury University and is home for Easter. She was quite clearly in a state, so I offered to walk her home, claiming in the McCarthy and Kane traditional way that my name was Garth. She was also rather upset, as she had cheated on her boyfriend that night. I therefore ensured she got home safely, and in the morning no doubt she will realise that it was infact Scott McCarthy, Minor Celebrity who she walked home hand-in-hand with last night, describing me as "sweet, and one of the nicest blokes she had met", although my favourite line was "If only all men were like you Garth"

To end this month of March, I have decided to bring to you a vast array of colorful images taken in the last week that I just haven't been bothered to upload. They are all of a superb nature. 

St Patrick's Day, and McCarthy gets his free silly Irish hat for doing 5 pints of Guinness	Oli and Binstead in the Duck
Saturday night, and its party time and Carina's. Myself and Kieran do our usual tour of the house, and we meet a young fan in the toilet	Kieran poses with Sara and Kelly
McCarthy looks excited with Kieran and Hannah	Kieran investigates the fridge
After leaving the party, we then went back to the Mierosoft Castle. Here is the kitchen	This radio was in the bathroom - it was shaped like a fish!
The master bedroom	The Kings Bedroom
The library	The master toilet
The Relaxation Lounge	McCarthy on the piano
The stairwell	The technology area

And to round her off, some of the ever popular sound clips that have become regular features in the diary. Firstly, Kieran attempts to ride his bike down the road when ruined HERE

Secondly, we got lost in the countryside around Bolney on the first outing in the Lane Mobile. This classic conversation features some more of the weird and wonderfully stupid comments that seem to crop out when Bert, McCarthy and Dougie are together. HERE

Thursday 23/03/06

Oh yes, here we go again! Last year it was a mammoth effort, and this year will be no different. Except it is being recorded on here for you lucky viewers! Yes, McCarthy is once again going to attempt to do his entire Drama portfolio in ONE NIGHT! This is what the sleep deprivation programme boils down to, this is when it comes into its own. I am armed with 6 cans of Red Bull and my expressive and creative mind. As I pick up my pen to record these momentous moments, you lucky viewers are viewing the creation of a piece of work that could have a large bearing on McCarthys future. And so it begins:

1900 hours: Work commences. I aim to have the first three sections complete by 8.30ish. Decision taken to type work out on MS Word, then transfer it to Adobe Photoshop in order to make it look all fancy with some background images and the legendary OUTER GLOW effect

2020 hours: First three sections complete, twenty minutes behind schedule. Two cans of Red Bull consumed. Slight problem in that I have already used up 1365 of my 3500 word count, with the bulk of the portfolio still to be commenced. Have decided to throw in some soothing music via 'streaming' London's Heart 106.4fm through Media Player. Aim to complete the next two sections by 2100 hours. Good news is Andy 'I don't want to tackle you incase I crease my shirt' Lee has now appeared on MSN, and I am therefore able to probe him about how he approached the task

2100 hours: Not looking good. With two more sections complete, I have three to go - the main one, and the two smaller ones. I am now already nearing the word count, and am struggling with what to cut down. There are now only three cans of red bull left that have to last me the rest of the night, and I am getting cravings for alcoholic beverage. This, my friends, is why you should never leave work till the last minute. I will aim to have the next large section done in the next 30 minutes. Oh, and the love hour appears to have just kicked off on the radio. Great

2130 hours: Shit. The main section, Individual Skill, is complete, but I am now OVER the word count with two sections left to go. And Andy 'I don't want to head the ball as I will lose brain cells' Lee has beaten me in the contest to write the most geekiest and bullshittest paragraph. Oh, and there is now only one can of Red Bull left. 

2204 hours: Piece finished after significant cutting. However, I am still 169 words over the limit. I therefore have to cut 169 words out, and am on the last can of Red Bull. Then there is the task of presenting it all in Photoshop. All I can say is thank the lord for Andy 'I got given ten fun maths sheets today' Lee and his help in writing total rubbish that sounds good. Otherwise I would be screwed like a Dutch prostitute. The screen is also now turning blurry, and every time I close my eyes I am seeing a blue light. Must keep going!

2310 hours: Am down to 3498 words. I am now about to convert it to Photoshop, with some flashy relevant backgrounds and OUTER GLOW. Red Bull is out, meaning I have had 6 cans in 4 hours. One thing I have realised is that it would appear to be a diuretic, as I have lost all control over my bladder. One consolation to this though is that Andy "I was trying to get it so that it'll integrate into a ln function" Lee has so far done 3670 words and is not yet finished

0006 hours: It is now Friday, and I am slowly working through the photoshoppery. And I have now heard the same song THREE BLOODY TIMES. Sort it out Heart! I am also experiencing stomach pains and feelings of sickness, which would suggest that 6 cans of Red Bull in 4 hours is not sensible

0130 hours: Photoshoppery complete. I am still yet to vomit. A slight snag has been hit, in that my printer has decided to bugger up. Never good with 21 pages to print. I will attempt to rectify her with some maintenance, but if I am unable to do so I may be in a little bit of trouble

0202 hours: After a painstaking 7 hours of solid work, taking in two days, six cans of red bull, about five toilet breaks, one song repeated three times on the radio and one phone call from Doug Lane, I am finally done. With the cartridges being about as helpful as a blind lollipop man, I just gave up and put in some new ones. But all is now done - the work is complete, it is neatly filed away and ready to be given in. My final feelings - I am severely tired now, and with a maximum of 5 hours sleep to look forward to, I will make it 15 hours sleep in total since 7am Monday morning. All I can say is that some Red Bull will certainly be needed to get me through tomorrow, even if it does mean I am violently sick or spend all day nipping out for a William Pitt. As Otis Reading, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay plays on Heart FM, so ends this test of endurance, this test of mental strength. One, which, yet again, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has passed with flying colours. All that remains for me to say is this is good morning from Scott McCarthy

Wednesday 22/03/06

Minions, cast your minds back to around February/March 2004, and you may well remember the McCarthy Sleep Deprivation programme. Yes, when I chose to limit myself to just 6 hours of sleep per night. It was an overwhelming success, and a breakthrough day for mankind.

I am pleased to say that the programme is now back in full swing! Yes, last night I had only 4 hours sleep! This is partly due to 2 pieces of rather large coursework in for Friday, both of which are sinking like the titanic. So tonight after work, it may well be another 4 hour night, and Thursday definitely will be a four hour night

However, this time I am aimed with 2 items I did not use last time - red bull and Lucozade energy tablets. I will have a full report ready tomorrow on the past 2 days of lack of sleep, as I am now off to ensure Britain's motorists can motor!

Thursday 16/03/06

Great excitement at Esso last night, as McCarthy witnessed his first total cock up on behalf of one of our customers. Yes, one woman decided to fill up her petrol car with diesel. After struggling not to laugh at the sheer stupidity of the person in question, McCarthy eventually helped by suggesting she call the RAC, who in the event were able to help.

With this being a brief entry due to McCarthy needing to continue with drama work, I felt it right to show that small anecdote with you. And not wanting to embarrass anyone personally, but congratulations to Oliver Wright who managed to ensure his motor vehicle had a flat tyre today, meaning he had to push it from Blunts Wood down to a garage. Wonderful scenes!

Finally, may I offer two congratulations. One - to Mark Alan Potter, who today became a man by reaching the age of 18. And secondly to Dougie Lane, who passed his driving test today. We can only hope that this will limit his drinking as a responsible driver, but knowing the young man in question it will do nothing to aid his liver. Congratulations to both of you

Sunday 12/03/06

Well listeners, it has been a busy period since the last entry. The Downing Street trip was particularly amusing, and is of course on-line now. Highlights included James Moran hitting his head countless times on the trains, Elliot's hands turning black for absolutely no reason, Jim and Elliot nearly getting arrested for hiding behind a wall, and of course a number of other events that took place. Once inside Downing Street, McCarthy not only broke wind in the cabinet room, but also sat in a chair that costs £100k, and stole part of a plant. Imagine if Tony himself had gone to the toilet and not washed his hands, then touched that very plant which is now in McCarthy Towers. Possibly one of the most arousing thoughts I have had in a while

For those who have criticised McCarthys somewhat unhealthy lifestyle in recent months, this weekend has seen him take part in no less than 3 games of football. This is, however, now taking its toll. Following the Diamonds match on Friday night, a 1-1 draw for Hassocks III at Jarvis Brook, and a superb 4-0 win for Hassocks youth over Southwick, the body of myself is aching something chronic. However, all this healthiness can only be good for myself, as I battle to retain my perfectly toned body

In recent days I have discovered the wonders of luxury bubble bath and health products. Call me a woman if you will, but I actually rather like them. This has lead to McCarthy spending a lot of time in the bath, especially due to my old-age back trouble, which appears to have reappeared after nearly an absence of a year. It shows how refined Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity now is, as he enjoys relaxing bath products while listening to classic FM, and enjoying the odd glass or two of white wine

This week is one of a hectic nature, that will be wrapped up on Friday night with a celebration meal due to Mark Alan Potters birthday. After discussions between myself and Mike Newman on Friday, we have come to the agreement that nakedness, gaffer tape and l-plates will all be implemented to the boy to celebrate him becoming a man, and we hope to involve some sort of pole - whether it be a street lamp or sign post - in the equation. This is due to the fact that finding an actual Polish person may prove slightly difficult in Haywards Heath

Wednesday 08/03/06

Minions, hectic times ahead for Scott McCarthy. Following a change of washing powder in McCarthy Towers during February, we are now back to good old Ariel. This return to former values was bought about when it was discovered that McCarthy was, infact, allergic to the replacement powder, and was being forced to scratch himself to buggery. But now all is well

However, the drama exam looms ever closer, and it means that McCarthy is spending more time in college than he would like to be. The piece is coming together now though, and obviously with myself in it it will be amazing. The bigger news in the entertainment world is that after nearly 2 years out of stage entertainment, McCarthy is set to return - this time with a new partner! With Sailor rather tied up, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has decided to team up with James Moran. This link up will be appearing at the up-and-coming Central Sussex College talent show, where "An evening of Scott McCarthy" will have 10 minute slot in the show. This will feature Moran probing McCarthy with questions about his life and times, and will end with a barbershop quartet rendition, and possibly some form of nudity. It will be a date not to be missed!

The last weekend has been one of fun and frolic. On Saturday morning, after spending the night at the Lane Residence, McCarthy, Lane and Jones wandered into town for the traditional Truffles Breakfast. Never without incident, this time we (by we I mean Doug) managed to break a tea pot when attempting to jam the lid on. It was a shocking effort. Saturday afternoon saw McCarthy head out with Witham for some non-league football, and, as usual, it was one of the most entertaining days of the calendar year

This Friday I will be in Downing Street, attempting to steal some of Tony's, maybe even Cherrie's, underwear. It is a mission that I feel is well worth being arrested for, as sleeping in a pair of political pants would probably top the orgasm I gained when receiving my signed card from Noel Edmonds

Finally, congratulations to the big PC for scoring his first England goal last week. Yes, people laughed when I called for an England call up for the great man years ago, people smiled when they saw 'Crouch' on the back of my England shirt, but now I can safely say it was justified. Well done Mr Crouch, and may all 198cms of your Macclesfield born body be holding the World Cup aloft in Germany in 2006

Wednesday 01/03/06

The third month of 2006 is with us, and it means we are now 1/4 of the way through the year. So far, she has flown by like an old lady on a mobility scooter going downhill without any brakes. This has led McCarthy to question what exactly he has achieved so far this calendar year, and the answer comes out as not much. Hopefully something to address in the future

The Fashion Guide was today completed and put on-line, and with a number of updates in the pipeline it appears as though it will be a busy while in terms of website development. Next focus turns to McCarthy TV, with a new-style documentary that will be both challenging and fun to produce. Exciting times ahead indeed

Most exciting of all though is next Fridays trip. McCarthy has been honored enough to stand outside of 10 Downing Street, but next Friday, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will infact be going inside! Oh yes, thanks to John Hite, we have managed to gain entrance to number 10, a privilege that is granted to a fair few. Obviously when John enquired, he told the people inside that Scott McCarthy would be on the trip, and this swung it in the groups favor. A full day of pictures will of course be on-line, but it may prove difficult to get photos from within number 10. However, where there is a will, there is a way, and McCarthy will do his best to bring the exclusives to you lucky listeners

I would like to conclude this entry by denying the recent rumors that McCarthy has become involved with another lady. These have begun mainly due to Oliver Wright grabbing the wrong end of the stick, as always, of some information he was informed of, which he has twisted into vicious rumors. While I would like to tell you more about these rumors, I am not going to, as to be honest I really don't want to. That is all

QUOTE OF THE DAY: McCarthy and Joe Sturgess are joined at lunch by Robert Jamie Jones. McCarthy enquires as to who the young chap behind the bar at the Weald on a Sunday afternoon was, to which Robbie came up with this gem of an answer, informing us: "I think he is someone's son"

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