PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

MAY 2005

Sunday 22/05/05

Well minions, it has been a busy busy busy weekend at McCarthy Towers. Friday night could only be described as a scene which was brimming with emotions of a marvelous state. It was the Year 11's last day at Oakmeeds, and to celebrate Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity was invited to a party at young Mrs McCarthy's residence. However, to spice up the evening, the young lady also had the courtesy to invited Bert Lloyd, Robert Jones and Doug Lane. Needless to say, it was an evening packed full of excitement.

On arrival, it appeared that the majority of people present had been drinking from a very early time. This meant that there were empty vodka bottles lying around - so McCarthy took the liberty of filling them up with water, and leaving them on the side for unsuspecting people to drink. Several people were reduced to tears at points in the evening, but luckily McCarthy was on hand to cheer them up with a selection of poignant jokes and impressions. Andy Cole was also on hand to produce his magic, which again was, of course bewildering - especially to a drunk Doug. By the end of the evening, they had all gone! At 1 in the morning, there were approximately 20 people left, all crammed into the front room, importantly around the computer. This was were the most memorable part of the evening took place. A young lady called Charlotte, or Twiggy, allowed a young man called Watson to log onto her MSN. This was foolish, as her ex-boyfriend, from Kent, was on-line. Not only was he on-line, but he had his webcam on. And not only did he have his webcam on, but he was wearing no top! This was a bit uncomftable for some of the chaps there, but McCarthy had no problem dealing with it. Anyway, the manipulative Watson chatted this boy up to a fantastic degree. McCarthy was of course on hand to help, using many of the homosexual comments that myself and Witham have spent hours discussing on various Crocs on Tour games this seasons. I left it for a bit, I'm not sure why as I don't remember, but I remember on my return a lot of shocked looks from the people around the PC. Not only was he topless, but he had also now 'whipped it out' to quote a term used by the Crocs on Tour, and was having a jolly good feel. That is correct minions, this young chap, Rory, was giving himself a bit of pleasure on the webcam, thinking it was only his ex-girlfriend watching. But oh no, there was 20 people gathered around the screen watching, what could only be described as, a very poor amateur porn movie. It had gone too far, I seized the keyboard from young Watson, and decided to call an end to it. I typed "Sorry to break this too you young fella, but there are currently 20 people watching you, including Scott McCarthy, Minor Celebrity" It then went a bit quiet. As many of you know, I can't stand silences, so it was time to type a message: "You must feel like a right pleb now". Suddenly, the webcam went off, and he was offline. It was a shocking turn of events, but possibly one of the funniest, seeing the guys look of horror when he realised what had happened. Anyway, lets not make this a one sided story, here are the views of some of the people watching:

	KIERAN ELLIOT SAYS: "It was a truly shocking thing masterminded by Watson and McCarthy in there drunken states of power, the level which it reached before it was ended by McCarthys "There are 20 people watching you " was far beyond imagination, the poor boy was exploited on webcam by none other than Burgess Hills Minor Celebrity and co"
	ANONYMOUS SAYS: "There was music, dancing, alcohol... and a naked boy. One was simply strolling around the humble abode where the party was partaking, when I noticed a large gathering around the personal computer. Intrigued, I glided over to the screen to see that my peers were engaged in a conversation with a male over a web cam, who strangely happened to be baring his top half. Time passed as my peers continued their sordid conversation about sexual fantasies, notably ones involving kitchen utensils as potential instruments for pleasure. I was currently sitting in a chair of an arm persuasion, when I suddenly heard outcry and screams of disgust. Worried about my fellow peers I got up to see what was triggering such emotions. It was to my disgust that the young male was sat in a room, exposing his adolescent body to his web came, and somewhat "pleasuring himself". Feelings of nausea arose, as I quickly exited the vicinity. Eyewitnesses state the the boy continued to pleasure himself until one of the young people transmitted a message to the words of "There are 20 people watching you". The web cam disappeared, the conversation closed, and the boy disappeared. Kids beware; web cams are more dangerous than penguins armed with spud guns, wearing tutus, intoxicated with penicillin"
	ALISTAIR MAGNESS SAYS: Unfortunately, Ali was unavailable for comment, as he missed the entire episode due to being asleep on the toilet floor, possibly in his own vomit, although we are unable to confirm this
	KATIE KNIGHT SAYS: "It was an amazing event watching Mr McCarthy and Watson exploit poor Rory on web cam. It went on for a good half hour or so and was then ended by McCarthy telling young Rory "there are 20 people watching you""
	SAM HEWITT SAYS: "I think the whole event was a rather amusing drunken joke, although rather out of order on the part of James Watson who was doing most of the talking, but to be fair Rory did deserve it and it is his own fault. It was hilariously funny and I hope he never lives it down"
	CARINA GARNER-AGATE SAYS: "I was quite shocked at 1st as I thought they were using my MSN, but once I found out it was Twiggys I just left them to it. I was then called over as they were trying to wire up my webcam and I was even more shocked to find some random bloke wanking on webcam (laughs). It was Twiggys ex Rory who I always thought was a bit of a prick to be honest. It was quite hilarious especially when my mother walked into the room, but it was all ok Sam Kumms minimizing skills sorted it out. I later found out that my mother actually heard every word and knows exactly what went on! Damn our crappy ceilings! Watson was getting quite into it actually (laughs). That’s usually Mark Love's role, but I’m guessing he was off with my dog somewhere! It all ended by Scott typing that twenty people were watching him. He was shocked and came up with the classic comeback. “bigger than you guys will ever be” He did go two handed at one point but we figured that was because he had small hands! what a tosser….literally!"
	SAM KUMM SAYS: "It started with a few people logging into Twiggy (Charlotte Merritt's) MSN account, I was on the sofa watching Finding Nemo. After 10 minuets of everyone around the computer laughing their heads off, I decided to look into the incident, after walking over to the computer and asking what was going on someone told me they were talking to Twiggy's ex boyfriend on MSN, but he thought it was only Charlotte. He was on webcam and Seamus (James Sarsfield - Watson) had been chatting him up as Twiggy. Always up for a bit of fun I decided to join in chatting him up. Soon the conversation moved towards the sexual side of things. Me and Shay told him to lick in his necklace in an - and I quote - "erotic fashion"...after he did that we had a good laugh and we told him to start wanking because it made us (Charlotte) "sooooooo moist".....and to our surprise he started going at it (two handed at one point!). We started wetting ourselves with laughter (we laughed so loud the neighbors complained).....after about 3 or four minutes, we were still laughing strongly (with a few people looking a bit grossed out). So there we where, laughing our asses off discussing who would be the one to tell him, when Mr McCarthy came over and stole the keyboard from us and said - and I once again quote - "sorry to tell you this mate but about 20 people are watching you, including Minor Celebrity Scott McCarthy." Suddenly he stopped tossing off, looked at the cam and slowly pulled his shorts up and then logged off........fucking hilarious"

Last night was relatively quiet in comparison. McCarthy spent the evening at the Jones Crib, enjoying a rather girly movie entitled 'The Girl Next Door' and a few beers. Luckily it finished at 10.30, which meant we got a good view at the Eurovision Song Contest, including the legendary Terry Wogan's comments. He has taken second place in my list of favored celebrities now behind Noel Edmonds, simply for his great comments. When discussing the Moldovan entry getting a fair few points, he said something along the lines off: "Oh dear, Granny woman is getting more points. How in the world can she win". Another classic was: "I wonder if Andorra will vote for Spain". When they gave full marks to their border country, he commented: "I am shocked, amazed, and bewildered" in the most sarcastic voice you will ever hear. But the personal favourite was Monaco's voting. Monaco is a principality of France, and they were fully expected to give their big brother full marks. Terry came up with the gem: "Monaco have only given France 8 points. Well that is a bit of a slap in the face". Needless to say, it has been an absolute classic weekend, one of the best.

Tuesday 17/05/05

It has been a busy week at the Towers. Since my last entry, I have fallen out of a tree and had several remarkable days at college. It was during tutor period on Thursday that my unfortunate fall happened. Somehow, I managed to lose the famed frisbe in a tree. Fear not, I decided to relive my younger days, by climbing this tree. I grabbed onto a branch, which promptly snapped, meaning I fell. Luckily, my shoe got caught on a bit sticking out of another branch, meaning I was dangling in the air. Using my extreme muscular physique, I managed to hoist myself up and retrieve the frisbe, before falling from the tree. It was a valiant effort.

Friday was spent playing football for the Hamsters, and we triumphed with a fine victory over Mierosoft, although my back went at a point which was about as helpful as a toothpick when you're cornered by 5 hungry leopards. Not that that is likely to happen in Burgess Hill. Saturday was spent enjoying the day, before appearing at the fair at the Rec, much to the delight of my thousands of fans who were present. Daniel Collin was allowed the honor of staying in the Rainbow Room for the night, before Sunday was enjoyed seeing Crystal Palace get relegated. Speaking football, my prediction a few weeks after Peter Crouch joined Aston Villa for £4.5m of him being an international in the future may have been laughed upon in recent years, but now it looks as though it is about to come true - Crouch is in the England squad! My weird predictions seem to have a habbit of happening - many will remember my bold statement of Greece to win Euro 2004 a week before the tournament kicked off - I was even called a 'pratt' for suggesting it. History speaks for itself. With this in mind, I have made another prediction, to which Bert Lloyd has responded with a comment that he just might regret in just over a years time. For future reference, I had the hindsight to copy and past the MSN Messenger conversation, and save it to a word document. And here it is: (Please ignore the rather posh way myself and Bert have of talking to each other via the net)

$©0TT - CROUCH IN THE ENGLAND SQUAD - the dream comes true! | drinking pints of whiskey, mark mcghee | www.mac-i.co.uk says:

one would like to point out to bert lloyd that england will win the next world cup now that peter crouch has finally benn recognised as an international striker

Rob -  These teenage years, no they don't last, Oh Yeah Oh Yeah  says:

bert chuckled to such an optimistic, daft comment.......however, he is confident that Crouch will infact get the golden boot for the oturnament

$©0TT - CROUCH IN THE ENGLAND SQUAD - the dream comes true! | drinking pints of whiskey, mark mcghee | www.mac-i.co.uk says:

one would like to make a prediction now that peter crouch will score the winning goal from a header, and before people chuckle at this, one would like to remind bert of ones prediction of greece to win euro 2004, which before the tournament earnt one titles such as 'pratt' and 'idiot'

Rob -  These teenage years, no they don't last, Oh Yeah Oh Yeah  says:

bert would like to point out that such a prediction was all luck, and Bert will eat his hat if england win the next world cup

$©0TT - CROUCH IN THE ENGLAND SQUAD - the dream comes true! | drinking pints of whiskey, mark mcghee | www.mac-i.co.uk says:

There we have it listeners - Bert Lloyd will eat his hat if England win the next World Cup! Will he be choking on his baseball cap come July 2006?! We shall see! 

I was also given possibly the best comments for an English essay ever the other day. Everyone knows the boring stuff that is usually written by those teachers - "Well done, do this blah blah blah". Well, my English teacher Joe provided a completely different set of comments on my recent practice test, that we completed in class. It was so good, I took the liberty of taking a picture of it to preserve it forever. And here she is:

For those who can't read it, it says: "I'm quite impressed by your multi tasking ability. You have managed to: 1) Get Steffan into trouble 2) Chat to Ray 3) Chat to + have a laugh with Henry 4) Write a very good essay. Impressive! Eh?

A marvelous lessons work it was as well!

Tuesday 10/05/05

Fans, it is well known now that I lost the election. For any number of reasons, namely my lack of enthusiasm on the last day. However, I achieved what I wanted to achieve, and that was college-wide acclaim for the website. How many people actually viewed the real Mac Industries I don't know, but lots have said how marvelous the election site was. When I look back, that is my one regret of the campaign - the lack of foresight from me to put a counter, starting from 0, on the election part of the site. But alas.

Friday was spent celebrating a fine campaign, by firstly visiting some fans and enjoying a movie with them. Then it was off for another engagement, as Burgess Hills Minor Celebrity couple graced a young ladies birthday meal. They were honored to have us.

Some of you may remember my sleep deprivation programme of February last year, where I attempted to go just over 2 weeks living on 6 hours of sleep per night. Over the course of last week I attempted to see how long I could go without sleep altogether. The answer was 41 hours - 7 short of my target of 2 days. From 7am Thursday morning I was awake, a full college day, then I remained awake all night watching the General Election results, I remained awake all Friday, until I finally collapsed with exhaustion at Daniel Collin's house at midnight on Friday. I cannot remember anything till I woke up at 10 on Saturday, bizarrely in his study, although I was woken at one point and moved. The exhaustion meant I couldn't do this myself. It was a valiant effort, and something I intend to repeat in the future

Recent lunch times at college have been spent with the novel idea of a Frisbee on the front field. A fine way to spend the days - although we have lost it several times in gardens. When I say we, I actually mean Jamie Jones, which means he has become very accustomed to the neighbors. That is all I have to report 

Thursday 05/05/05 - VOTING TODAY!

Well fans and lovers, today has been and gone, and the votes have been cast. Tomorrow at 10 the results will be announced in the Common Room. People have been saying they have voted McCarthy, but this is unreliable - many could be saying it just to make me feel good. It will be interesting to see what the outcome of the election is - and tomorrow we will. From McCarthy Towers, the Beatles and 'Revolution' is blaring out at the minute - quite ironic given the fact that tomorrow could see the Revolution. So tomorrow will be the emotional day. You have decided, now it is the time to find out. That is all.

Tuesday 03/05/05 - 2 Days to go

Well, it has come around quickly. Thursday is the big day. It has been relatively quiet in recent days at McCarthy Towers, as campaigning has quietened down. Friday was spent at young Kate Brockes party, of course it wouldn't have been a party without Scott McCarthy, Minor Celebrity and Presidential Candidate though. Unfortunately, I fell asleep and ended up spending the night there, but no sexual actions took place. At least I think not. The rest of the weekend was spent footballing, Saturday watching Rotherham v Brighton, Sunday playing the game, and Monday in Leeds at the Lucas Radebe Testimonial, which will be appearing on the Mac Industries Big Day Out page in the very near future

Today was the Election Question Time, taking place at lunch in the lecture theatre. McCarthy and the other candidates doing battle to impress the electorate with our knowledge and plans. It went quite well, and the whole ordeal is available HERE. Tomorrow is the final push, where I will look to secure those last minute votes. No-one is sure what the outcome will be yet, but I can guarantee it will be exciting.

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