PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

OCTOBER 2005

Friday 28/10/05

Happines is exuding from every corner of McCarthy Towers this morning. The simple reason for this is, well, simple. John Prestcott has said a big, fat YES to Brighton and Hove Albion's Falmer Stadium. That means unless the Nimbys take it to a judicial review, building can commence in the next 90 days. The stadium should be open, if all goes according to plan, by the start of the 2008-2009 season. It is a splendid day, simply because we lost the Goldstone when I was only a mere boy of 8, and having traveled to Gillingham and Withdean, it will be nice to think that we will actually have a decent ground

That is all I have to say on the matter - I am now awaiting for 11am, so I can celebrate properly in the confines of the Weald

And did those boots in ancient times
Walk upon The Goldstone green
And was the famous Peter Ward
On our grounds pleasant pastures seen
Archer came to kill the club thats mine
Tore down our home for his cheap thrills
And was The Albion builded there
Among those dark Satanic Gills

Bring me my bow of blue and white
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spears and know Im right
Bring me my chariot of fire
I will not cease from mental fight
Nor shall my sword sleep in hand
Til we have built our Stadium
On Falmers muddy un-used land
Til we have built our Stadium
On Falmers muddy un-used land

WE WANT FALMER!

Tuesday 25/10/05

Yes children, it has been a fitting last few days for Scott McCarthy, in which very little has happened. Last night McCarthy traveled via Crocs on Tour to Sheffield, as Brighton were raped by Sheffield Wednesday, but still came away with a point. God knows how, but they managed it thanks to Colin Kazim-Richards. Crocs on Tour will be on-line so

So, as half term whittles by McCarthy has done no work, which is rather worrying. There is a more pressing issue on the mind of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity though - and that is the event that is due to occur this Friday. It is decision day, as according to most, John Prestcott will announce whether Brighton have the go-ahead for the Falmer Stadium. If it is a yes, it is sure to be one of the best days of the last 10 years. If it is a no, then the club will almost certainly cease to exist within a few years. So it is rather important. Despite the importance of this event though, McCarthy has still worked out to provide you with a McCarthy TV update, which I feel hinders away from comedy, and more to the serious nature of the world we live in - such issues to do with nature as rivers and beaches. It is one that highlights the glory of our fine country, and in particular, the county of Sussex

I have also noticed a vicious circle in recent weeks, that centers around curry. When we celebrated Carina's birthday, I did not even manage to finish my curry, and promptly released it via the back entrance in the morning. Despite this rather unpleasant experience, I don't seem to be able to resist the temptations, as last night I again had a curry in Sheffield - this time eating it all. I even went one further, and had a chicken balti pie inside the stadium. As you can imagine, this made for a rather unpleasant journey home, and a rather unpleasant fragrance in the Towers bathroom this morning. So I am asking myself - why do I keep eating curry when it leaves such disastrous results within my digestive system. I have yet to come up with an answer, but with another trip to Yorkshire tomorrow for universities, I am certain to enjoy curry again. It is a vicious circle that comes round and bites, or alternatively if you are Michael Barrymore, licks your rectum.

That is all

Friday 21/10/05

Marvelous scenes! I have now spent £80 on alcohol since turning 18. Bearing in mind I did not buy ONE drink at the Scott McCarthy Day XVIII celebrations, that is somewhat of an effort!

McCarthy received his best birthday present by a country mile on Tuesday, when, despite saying in my last entry: I hope to have the pages on-line by next weekend as this week is rather busy, including seeing Brighton raped yet again in Croydon by the scum, and a late scheduled trip to see my fans at Teeside University. However, I got this completely wrong as, somehow, we got 3 points. Oh yes, we beat Palace in their own patch. To celebrate, the front page now has a big image to celebrate on it. This is to celebrate the win, and also to do with the fact that I couldn't be bothered to design a new front. Anyway, the day was superb, I lost my glasses, got headbutted and got kissed, and we won 1-0. Is this perhaps the most glorious moment ever seen on Sky Sports News:

Clearly, as Paul McShane's header flies into the goal. Marvelous scenes! The site has been updated with McCarthy Day stuff, and there will be a McCarthy TV update at some point next week. Isn't it all splendid!

Sunday 16/10/05

Well listeners, I feel this could become one of the most in-depth McCarthy Diary Entries. Last night saw the biggest social event in Burgess Hill at The Weald - McCarthy was joined by many friends and colleagues for the celebrations of 18 years on earth. And they were thrilling. From what he can remember, here is a step-by-step account of the evening.

Myself, Jones and Doug arrive early. We have a few drinks before the main bulk of guests arrive, namely Strongbow. As the guests roll in, many cards and presents are given to McCarthy, and drinks are bought for him. Among the highlighted presents bought on the evening were: 50 years of ITV - the soundtrack to 50 classic programmes, bought by Tom Witham. A t-shirt with Frank Spencer's face on, bought by Chris Traylen and Lewis Trower. A bottle of wine, bought by Kate Brockes. A set of wine gums that were clumped together into the shape of a penis, supplied by Marcus Henden. There were many more, too many to mention, but they were my highlights

Anyway, as the evening progressed McCarthy slowly drank more and more, and it was bought to the attention of myself and Tom Witham that we have a tendency to use the word 'rape' rather a lot. It has now become an adjective, which can be used in a number of ways. We listed these as:

Brighton were raped: In this instance, it means that Brighton, or said sporting team, played particularly poorly
We've been raped: This one is used to describe being ripped off or over charged for an item
I was raped: In this case, it refers to one being drunk, or rather intoxicated

As well as these, there are also different degrees of strength that the adjective can hold, from oral rape, anal rape, gang rape, rape in a public place and so on. It has become a useful word to use in the McCarthy vocabulary

From this point, the evening continued and I mingled with guests, before I was given a free drink by landlady Chrissie. It was superb. As the evening continued, McCarthy kissed many ladies, with one particular lass getting a bit full on, not that McCarthy was bothered. I also kissed numerous men in the case of Kieran and Doug. It was then that myself and Tom Witham moved onto discussing anal sex - a common topic of conversation for Crocs on Tour. He informed me that his research showed the legal age was infact 21, as Mark Potter was adamant about for some reason. However, he has been proved right and it means I have 3 more years for it to be legal. Myself and Witham then discussed why the age was so high, and this lead onto a very interesting conversation which Dan Collin wisely caught on film, and it will be on-line at some point in the future. A thrilling conversation it is as well!

As the evening moved on, McCarthy blew out his candles on the absolutely superb cake that topped last years effort by some distance. He then made a brief speech, as he did not want to detract people from their drinking time. Dougie then took it upon himself to make sure I was raped by the end, by lining up the traffic light shots. We started with red, before moving onto amber and finishing on green. They were rather delightful as well, and it was a superb effort that put McCarthy into the drunken bracket. The night then passed away, and everyone dispersed from the pub, apart from McCarthy, Robert Jones, Kate and Carina, who ventured back to the Towers. Daniel Collin, Bert Lloyd and Jamie Farhall also stayed for a bit, before dispersing. However, it was a good effort by McCarthy, Jones, Carina and Kate to keep drinking, largely thanks to Doug Lane returning from the rugby club at around 2ish with a large bin liner of Smirnoff, which he duly left a large contents of at the Towers before going home. This was drunk, mainly by McCarthy, before they were finally finished at around 4.30am, when everyone rested for a well earned 4 hours sleep, which was interrupted for the ladies by Roberts snoring, which McCarthy slept through, mainly due to the fact he was talking in his sleep himself

The last guests left McCarthy Towers at around 12 this afternoon, to wrap up a fine day of drunken celebrations. I hope to have the pages on-line by next weekend as this week is rather busy, including seeing Brighton raped yet again in Croydon by the scum, and a late scheduled trip to see my fans at Teeside University. 

Marvelous scenes!

Tuesday 11/10/05

This is a momentous diary entry coming out of McCarthy Towers - yes listeners, it is my first one is a member of the adult community. I have now left my childhood behind - such happy memories, confined to the vault of time. Is there where life ends - baldness will begin to creep in, I will soon forget the names of people, my legs will stop working. Before long I will be in an old persons home, yes minions, it is all downhill from here

Yesterday was spent eating a meal of the food variety with the people who are lucky enough to call Scott McCarthy family, which was delightful. On my return to Burgess Hill, it was time to pop into the Weald, where I bought my first legal drink, and a fun evening was had in the company of Robert Jones and Peter Chapman. Robert Jones was the first lucky man to have a drink bought for him by McCarthy - that is Roberts father, not Robert himself. Robert was drinking Stella, whereas Roberts father Robert was drinking Carling - a pint of which McCarthy bought for Robert. He also bought a pint of Stella for Robert, while Peter stuck to the traditional Scrumpy Jack

The message board is now back on-line and working, so get onto it and register. McCarthy has come up with a number of interesting and varied debates that will be placed on their at some point in the future, and it is sure to become the thriving board that it once was

Sunday 09/10/05

This time tomorrow minions, the world will have had the pleasure of Scott McCarthy's company for 18 years. Yes, it is the day that is considered to be on a par with the birth of Jesus Christ - McCarthy hits the dizzy age of 18, where he can partake legally in gay sex and many other potential thrilling adventures. So, how has the Minor Celebrity prepared for the big day I hear you cry?

Well, this weekend has been one of homework. Yes, McCarthy has been bogged down with essays that he is very near to completing. He has decided to do it all over the weekend to allow Monday night for a weald session - yes, the first legal drink in that institute. McCarthy also has some form of flu coming on - it is rather mild at the moment, but does seem to be increasing. Quite where it has come from is unknown, although when it is found out who has given it to me they will find themselves with a rather large replica porcupine inserted into a dark crevice in their body

So, what can be expected from this years celebrations. A large crowd has been invited to enjoy an evening of fun and frolics at a location that cannot be named for security purposes - such is the jealousy of Muslim Extremists of McCarthys looks and general popularity, MI5 have been in contact with the Towers to request that the location is not named. However, if you do not yet have an invitation for this landmark event, fear not, there will be more delivered tomorrow

I think that is all to say, as a Media Studies essay awaits to be written - I will sign off with this message - Happy Scott McCarthy Day for tomorrow, and may we will love and cherish each other as I am loved and cherished by the whole world

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alison McCarthy was unhappy with the eggs that she was attempting to cook, as they kept breaking. Not surprisingly, Tom McCarthy had bought them. She decided to complain to him, with the line: "Tom, these eggs are useless". His response was "It's not my sodding fault, I didn't lay the bloody things"

Monday 03/10/05

Yes minions, there are only 7 days to go until you can all rush into the streets, kiss elderly Neighbours and celebrate the day that is Scott McCarthy Day XVIII. As for this years celebrations, McCarthy has decided to take up the hospitality of a traditional English pub. None of this clubbing nonsense, it will be jellied eels and whelks all around for a traditional British knees-up. This is the only confirmed event thus far, although McCarthy may have more in the pipeline. However, this is yet to be confirmed, and will, as always, depend on time and effort

In recent weeks, I have done a number of things that could be classed as incredibly stupid. Things such as placing a pair of slippers in the fridge, accidentally knocking down the shower rail in the Towers bathroom, and being a bit out of order to people with regards to arrangements. In these situations, all you can do is apologise, as I have done, even going so far as to describe myself as a 'cock'. However, if the person you are apologizing to is too stubborn to accept that apology and the fact you admit you have done wrong, then there is bugger all you can do about it. Need I say more. Probably yes, but I am not going to

McCarthy has recently joined in a fun and thrilling project that involves learning a number of dances and performing them to some foreign dignitaries. It is in order to help some dance class or something get a grant - the details of which I am unsure of. However, as McCarthy is a Minor Celebrity, his help in this work really is invalid, and I am more than happy to help the local community by offering my services and using my fame and popularity to help them. That is also why I have agreed to, yet again, help the marketing department at Central Sussex College Haywards Heath Campus, as I will be touring a number of secondary schools with them to meet and greet Year 11's and persuade them that CSC is the place to come. When they see there favourite Minor Celebrity walk into their educational institute I doubt they will need anymore persuading

As October begins, it sees the Mac Industries Fantasy Football League begin to take shape. With international breaks coming up, now is a good time to take a look at the table, so here she is:

Pos		Team	Total	Pos. Change
1		BrightonAces	184	-
2		The Winners	138	-
3		Chapmans Champions	138	-
4		Gaz s Wonders	131	-
5		McCarthys Magic	124	-
6		The Nuts	120	-
7		Berts Babes	102	-
8		Diamonds	95	-
9		The losers	93	-
10		Spandex Hydroelectrics	64	-
11		Simmo Select	55	-
12		BEAVER LIQUORS	49	-
13		Portslade Rovers Fc	40	-
14		Chelsea	40	-

Two Diamonds players lead the way in the table - Mark Potter sits at the top with BrightonAces, while Joe Sturgess is in second with The Winners. Peter Chapman leads the Hamsters contingent in 3rd, while Gary Harding completes the Champions League places in 4th. Last seasons Champion, Ian Simpson, sits down in 11th, over 100 points behind Potter. However, it is early days yet and there is all to play for. At this stage last season, Robert Jones topped the table, but then ended up finishing in 10th place. It just shows that things can and will change - either that or it was a case of Jones having another set of bad luck

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