PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

SEPTEMBER 2005

Monday 19/09/05

Oh yes, the week back at college has been one of fun and frolic. McCarthy has managed to steal the student union megaphone on no less than 3 separate occasions, including the whole of the last weekend. This has lead to great potential within the confines of the common room, potential that has led to things such as "Oli Wright is a Cock" being announced to the room. Another joyful function of this fine piece of mechanical intuition is the fact that when you turn her up to volume 9 and press the button that allows you to talk, a rather painful and high pitched noise erupts from the microphone, causing many people to shout obscenities at you. It is marvelous, and the student union office is obviously going to have to be breached again in the future to secure usage of the megaphone. Another bonus of 'Freshers Week' at college saw the fine idea of free doughnuts on Tuesday. Needless to say, McCarthy was at the head of the que to gain these fine and unhealthy snacks, and by the end of the lunch hour had devoured 10 of them. Not a bad effort at all one feels

Today I was bestowed a great honor by my fellow tutor group peers, as I decided to do something to enhance our college life's by standing for election to the college council. The opportunity to have a big say on the way the college was run was too big to turn down, and I felt it was about time that such ingenious ideas as 'Sponsored Nudity Day' and 'Bring a small child to college day' were put forward and implemented by the college. Needless to say I was elected, with over 50% of the vote, my rivals mustering a poultry 3 and 6 in comparison to my beastly 11. It now means that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity is able to influence the powers within the college. With his radical ideas, it will be interesting to see what my fellow delegates make of me, and of course how long I can last before being removed from my position

There is a large erection in the Rainbow Room of McCarthy Towers. Yes, the erection is seeing a new roofing structure being implemented in McCarthy's sleeping quarters, as the old structure has been deemed unsafe following the flood that gripped the Towers back in August. It means McCarthy is now resting in the Office at the Towers, which is located at the front of Burgess Hills Favourite Tourist Attraction. It does mean I am more susceptible to be woken by the hoards of screaming fans outside, but luckily the temporary arrangement should see me back in the Rainbow Room by Thursday. What is of more concern to the Towers staff is the fact that the builder carrying out the work has turned down cups of tea all day - the answer was soon discovered though, when Tom McCarthy found an empty can of Fosters! Drinking on the job, a fine example of the people you will find in the building trade

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish Robert Jamie Jones a very happy anniversary of his birth. He has reached the age of 18 but is still squeaking, no mean feat I'm sure you will agree. Can I also wish all you listeners a very happy National Speak like a Pirate Day. I was reliably informed of this event via Mr Jake Vickers, who has upheld the day in the true spirit you would expect from someone upholding National Speak like a Pirate Day. The constant cries of 'Yarrrrr' have been superb, as was this image I was sent by Mr Vickers of the famous Haywa....sorry, Central Sussex College Haywards Heath Campus Politics teacher Mr John Hite - in all his pirating glory:

QUOTE OF THE DAY: In tutorial, John was reading out the notices. "Reading Club re-commences this Friday, so take the opportunity to talk books with fellow enthusiasts. Brownies will also be provided". The quick witted McCarthy, who thanks to the Diamonds has a reputation with underage girls, responded with "Is that small girls or food?"

Sunday 11/09/05

Well children, my complete bone idleness means that Crocs on Tour will not be updated with Leeds stuff, I have decided, instead, to share with you the story of the day via this diary. Their are of course many classic moments that we did not capture via audio or camera, moments such as in Burger King, when the woman serving asked "who had the large meal". McCarthy strutted forward, pronouncing in a rather sexual voice "I am large", causing the server to have a fit of giggles, eventually having to go behind the burger machine thing to laugh it out. She obviously wanted me. Then there was the journey home, the Forest fans we sat with in first class till we were kicked out, then back in standard class the Barnsley fans we enjoyed giving abuse to for the journey home. On arrival in London, the Forest fans came out and started singing 'town full of bombers', while on the train the Barnsley fans turned the classic 1960's animal anthem "A house in New Orleans" into "There aint no house in New Orleans". But here are some sights and sounds from the day

SIGHTS - Courtesy of Neil Kane and his phone. These images mainly consist of interesting and charismatic Yorkshire folk that we met throughout the day
This man was at St Pancras station. Bizarrely, he was eating his umbrella	There is the photographic evidence - Jesus Christ is alive and well, and about to board a Midland Mainline train to Sheffield
This was a strange Yorkshireman.....	Who wore a bright orange t-shirt. Note the fat man near him
What this railway worker was looking at with regards to his female colleague I'll leave to your imagination	This woman was dressed like someone from Wizard of Oz, possibly the Wicked Witch of the West
This man like rugby, and drove our Taxi from the station to Elland Road	This bird was bizarrely sitting in the seats and wouldn't move. A steward had to shift it before kick off
Back at Victoria, this man was determined to get his waterproof trousers off without removing his shoes. It wasn't happening though	And these were fine chaps on the journey home - returning from the cricket, one of them kept making a pig noise whenever he laughed, and great amusement was caused when one announced loudly "I'll have an Indian tonight"

That is about it to be quite frank. There will be some more photos on at some point in the future, such as when I can be bothered, as the return to college tomorrow could well see a dramatic increase in McCarthys work load. Whether he does this work or not is a completely different kettle of squirels

Thursday 08/09/05

Men and gentleladies, as summer closes in upon us, one must consider the return to ones higher educational institutions, and the opportunities that this will bring. For one, it will see the return of the Haywards Heath Pictorial, which will bring a daily digestion of life at college to you. For another, it will mean that this diary will be brimming with content and events that could only occur at a place like Haywards Heath College, or Central Sussex College. And this brings us to a dilemma - what do we call the pictorial? Should it remain Haywards Heath, in honor of the spiritual and forthright name of the college, or should it be changed to Central Sussex, downgrading both this site and Scott McCarthy with the links to Crawley. It is a decision that must not be taken lightly, such as who should be entered for the Euro Vision song contest, and one that will take much mulling over at the Towers to gain the correct answer

Recent days have been thrilling - the residents of Shoreham would have got the shock of their life, and indeed, many young women phone into work sick today with shock over the site that they saw on their beach yesterday. Oh, if Doug Lane and Robert Jones swimming in their underwear wasn't enough, many would have been on the verge of exploding with joy as they saw Scott McCarthy remove his jeans, and wade into the ocean in a similar way. For we drove to Shoreham, with new driver Robert Jones at the wheel. However, with no costume, McCarthy, Lane and Jones braved it in their stylish undergarments, while Chapman and Bert Lloyd filmed and took pictures from the shore. It was a sight that will be long remembered in the history of Shoreham, and one that will no doubt be passed down through the generations, as Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, along with his much celebrated 18 inch penis, swam through their sea

Tomorrow sees McCarthy join Mr Tom Witham to do some filming for McCarthy TV, as we will tour our fine and fertile county to check out some of our rivers. Yes, that is right listeners in riverside locations, you may well catch a glimpse of the Witham Mobile passing through your towns. Destinations that may catch a glimpse of the illustrious twosome include Newhaven, Arundel and Steyning.

McCarthy feels that is all for this update, but fear not - there will be another one coming soon. Exciting times!

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