PREVIOUS YEARS ENTRIES FROM THE DIARY:

SEPTEMBER 2006

Wednesday 20/09/06

What is it about McCarthy Towers and the way that it manages to detract from sleep. You may remember the fly infestation of a few months back. Well, now it is expanding water pipes that make sleep about as easy as it is for an Al-Queda member to get a job as a pilot. Yes minions, somewhere, either under the floor boards or above the roof of the Rainbow Room there are water pipes that are making a constant 'clunking' noise. This has obviously lead to great dissatisfaction among the occupant, and has resulted in me very nearly smashing through the floor boards on several occasions to show my displeasure.

The current missing-Charlie-meter stands at missing her like a man climbing a rope would miss an arm. This largely in part due to the fact that I am bored out of my mind. I have contemplated what I can do to fill my time - maybe learning a foreign language, hunting for the Holy Grail or opening my own Sex Shop. However, I am sure that Peter Chapman will find some way to entertain me with BHU Work *cough*. Work also proved fruitful last night, as the legendary Ian Goacher was into buy petrol. It was good to see he hasn't changed from the negative man I used to love teaching me mathematics, as he ranted about the school currently. It was also good to hear that booming laugh that used to fill the room of D2 every time McCarthy would launch into an impromptu Beatles song in the middle of a Maths lesson, although it is clear that Oakmeeds has never been the same since they lost Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity from among their ranks

The new music section is coming along like a man with no head, and should be done by next week. This weekend sees potentially the Crocs finest hour, as we travel to Manchester for a Friday night stay, and then Carlisle on the Saturday. Can it top the famed George McCartney themed evening of 2 years ago remains to be seen, but there is hope that much rape and pillage will be committed

Friday 15/09/06

Today is a sad day in the calendar year of 2006. For today is the last full day that Charlotte will be spending in Sussex before heading to University. While this opens up all manner of possibilities for myself, such as brothels and a return to 20 pint weekends, it will leave me feeling as though a part of me is missing - as if I am living without a spleen or one of my kidneys. While their is no doubt it is going to be a lot less exciting without her around, it does mean I will have more time on my hands to give you listeners your updates. These will include one new section, incorporating the currently wank music section, complete with more content, and a fresh and new section that will not be too dissimilar to the infamous 'Chapman's Invasion of the Airwaves', featuring Chapman, Neil Kane and myself. Exciting times

Next week could, and possibly should see the first Crocs on Tour themed evening in nearly 2 years, with the mammoth trip to Carlisle. The 'Kevin Gall Themed Evening' as it is to be known will see us potentially stay in some Northern Outpost somewhere, enjoying an evening of drinking and clubbing. The last Crocs on Tour evening ended in near arrest following our antics after leaving the Event, and buggered up Scott McCarthys ankle to an extent not seen since the Big Chair fall months previously. Manchester/Leeds won't know what has hit it

In other news, I have been delighted with the response to the planned Scott McCarthy Day XIX celebrations. However, there is still room for a lot more of you to get involved and celebrate the day with myself, which I am hoping you will do. 

In October 2005, you may remember McCarthy and Witham carried out a brief review of the word rape and how they were using it then. If you don't, here it is:

It was bought to the attention of myself and Tom Witham that we have a tendency to use the word 'rape' rather a lot. It has now become an adjective, which can be used in a number of ways. We listed these as:

Brighton were raped: In this instance, it means that Brighton, or said sporting team, played particularly poorly
We've been raped: This one is used to describe being ripped off or over charged for an item
I was raped: In this case, it refers to one being drunk, or rather intoxicated

As well as these, there are also different degrees of strength that the adjective can hold, from oral rape, anal rape, gang rape, rape in a public place and so on.

While the term has developed rather well in the last year, I today stumbled across this rather amusing piece about how the word 'fuck' is one of the most diverse in the English language. While that particular word has been around for years, I feel that myself, Witham and Kane have been making great strides in the growth of the word rape as an acceptable term, and we can only hope that one day someone will write something similar to this about the best r word in the dictionary:

"Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck." It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust "Fuck me."
7. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck D an Quayle!"


It has also been used by many notable people throughout history: "What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
" Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic
"Thats not a real fucking gun." John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive." Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"
"What fucking map?" Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck." Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." Noah"

Finally, the BHU Messageboards are now back on-line, so please get on there and indulge in vulgar and irrational debates before they are yet again hacked. Click HERE to have a look

Saturday 09/09/06

Well minions, what has the last week involved for Scott McCarthy. In a word, very little. This week has seen McCarthy take paid holiday to enjoy a week of rest and recuperation, and given him an opportunity to spend some time with Mrs Mac, who wogs off to University in exactly a week. Being the romantic man I am, last night she was presented with the going away present to beat all going away presents - yes minions, that is correct - a venus fly trap will be making the trip to Oxford alongside a microwavable saucepan that is not even edible - what is that all about?

You may remember McCarthys recent stomach capacity issues, with concerns being raised about his lack of eating. Well, last Wednesday they were put well and truly to bed, as your Favourite Minor Celebrity demolished his way through a 160z steak, chips peas and egg. It was truly a momentous effort, although Tom Witham again surpassed himself by demolishing it in record time. Saturday night was another fine indication of 'Iron Stomach' returning, as joined by Peter Chapman and Mark Alimonda, I managed to demolish my way through 15 pints of simmering alcohol - the last time I plan to drink that much until the much anticipated Scott McCarthy Day XIX Celebrations - full details of which can be found in the Events Page

Yesterday, Mr Mark McGhee was finally relieved from his position of Brighton and Hove Albion manager. While it is about time he was sacked, I would like to thank him for all he has done for the club, for his supreme fashion sense and for having the ability to make his jaw take up an incredible angle when smiling for photos. Whoever takes over has a tough act to follow, particularly in the firm buttocks stake

Finally, I fear that I have contracted my fathers medical condition of baldness. Hair just seems to be falling off of my head at the minute, and it is surely just a matter of time before I turn into the white haired warrior. Worrying times ahead

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