Scotts Secret Diary - Mac Industries

I am pleased to report that the internet in the McCarthy Penthouse is now up and running, and thus means that Mac Industries is back on-line. My new bachelor pad affords fine views over The Cotswolds, and from the kitchen a beautiful view over the racecourse is also on offer. The people that are lucky enough to call themselves my floor mates also seem pleasant enough people, and have not been too upset my McCarthys somewhat unorthodox attitude to the world around him. Naturally, Freshers Week has provided all manner of drinking opportunities, but I am yet to release the true drinking potential of Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity onto this fine town, the potential that was realised for the first time since my return during last Fridays pub golf session, during which a ludicrous amount was consumed. That was my real farewell to Burgess Hill, and the loss of their Minor Celebrity is obviously already affecting the town - Becca Ransom, one of the many young ladies who crave my company at weekends, said of this Saturday night that it was rather poor, and everyone was home in bed by midnight. The town is obviously feeling my loss more than it should, and I think this calls for fellow Minor Celebrity to remove whatever he has up his rectum, and carry the flag of Celebritydom himself. If all else fails, then fear not, the Big Mac will be back at some point in mid October for his traditional birthday celebrations

In other news, well, their is no other news. McCarthy is currently learning short hand, which is as exciting as it sounds, and nearly succeeded in burning the kitchen down through the mistake of not turning off the hob. He has also become horrendously lost several times while exploring the town, and has already befriended several elderly gentleman on the Cheltenham & Gloucester Terrace at Whaddon Road. The next stage of establishing McCarthy Industries in this fine town is the launching on the University Pictorial, which I hope will occur at some point in the next few weeks. Apart from that, there is nothing to report. Thanks for tuning in!

Well fans, the big move is now only four days away, and as is tradition with regards to preparation at McCarthy Towers, next to nothing has been prepared in order for this mammoth move. The most preparation that has occurred has been my attempt to cook more healthy food, as opposed to the bacon, sausages and generally unhealthy concoctions I lived off of during my time in the kitchen in Canada. This saw a successful attempt at an omelet on Tuesday, although sources at the Towers kitchen believe it is only a matter of time until salmonella poisoning sets in. This Friday, a pub golf will be taken place in order to mark my departure, and this will start at 3pm in The Weald. Saturday will see a general town appearance

Yesterday saw my first appearance at the new Wembley. Like any man who is notoriously tight with money, I was interested to see just how they could justify the sickening amount spent on it, compared to the relatively cheaper stadia such as the Millennium Stadium. The simple answer is that Wembley is far superior to any other ground I have been to, and that is a pretty mean list, including such venues as Old Trafford, the Millennium, the Mestalla, Anfield, Highbury, the City of Manchester and Field Mill. My only gripe with the place was the distinct lack of pies available due to a shortage. Should this be addressed on my return, then I will have no complaints. Particularly pleasing was the escalators to seats, which were most helpful given my recent lack of mobility

Finally, after many months of hard work and a great demand, I am proud to announce that something we all thought had been lost forever has been returned - yes, it is the Oakmeeds Pictorial. After around two years of disappearance, it is back on-line and ready to be viewed. And speaking of getting things back, a message for Robert Jones - I think that having had by Beatles tape for TWO YEARS now is starting to take the michael slightly....
*Conveniently ignoring fact I have had Shrek 2 DVD for 3 years

Well listeners, it has been a quiet week at McCarthy Towers in the build up to my leaving of Sussex for Gloucestershire. The most exciting thing that has occured to myself has arguably been nearly breaking my neck in an unfortunate fall when the back of the office chair decided to give way. With my time in the Hill of Burgess coming to an end, I decided to give the fans something that they really have missed these past few months, and that is the all-too rare appearance of McCarthy in town at a weekend. Indeed, this was only my 3rd time out in our fine town since returning, and next week will see the last - with a private pub golf event for a few close friends on the Friday, and a general appearance on Saturday

My trip out on Saturday night nearly turned very nasty, as the traditional walk home saw myself, Robert Jones, Peter Chapman and Charlotte 'Twiggy' Merritt walk home through St Johns Park. An unsavory incident occured when we bumped into an Eastern European chap in the park, who instantly began abusing Twiggy about her motives in being out with three men. This dirty red obviously did not realise who the three were, which is only to be expected as he probably struggles to pay for bread in his home country, let alone access to the fine product we produce. Anyhow, Jones, sensing the danger not just to Twiggy, but also to the two Minor Celebrities in toe challenged the chap, telling him, in true Walmsley fashion, he had 5 seconds to walk away. This didn't seem to cut the line with this communist, who began shouting in a loud voice to his friend in some dirty language, which Jones admitted later that was a threat, thanks to the expertise he had in the Russian language. Sensing that our counter-threats had not worked, McCarthy tried to reason with the man, talking politics to him. It was difficult to resist the temptation to bust out all manner of Stalin and communist jokes, but eventually your Favourite Minor Celebrity managed to clear the path for a hasty exit, leaving these iron-curtainists to reflect on the failure to carry out their terrorist plan and take hostage two Minor Celebrities


McCarthy and Pedestrian Direction sign	After this photo, the sign was maturely moved

Campbell ensures customer satisfaction is a priority in Pulse by giving us our drinks in a tankard	Jones and hedgehog

McCarthy and hedgehog	Twiggy and hedgehog

McCarthy has a new car! Yes fans, many of you will be upset to learn that after threatening to pack the job in some time ago, the famous Punto has now finally given up. The problem came as I noticed it was becoming more and more difficult to get her to shift into gear, and reached its head last Thursday when I attempted to get into reverse, only for a noise comparable to that of a thousand cats being slowly murdered with a rusty nail through the back of the skull to echo around McCarthy Towers. Realising the days were numbered, it was time to purchase a new car. I have decided to return to my roots with the purchasing of a Ford Fiesta, as it was in this model of car that many of my happiest days as a driver occured in the former Chap Mobile. It also means that myself and fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman now have the same model of car, which gives the Ford company even more illustriousness than it held before

The lack of updates has been due to an upgrading of the McCarthy Towers systems, with a new lap top being slowly integrated into the running of things. It has also been due to the fact I have had the unfortunate privilege of putting up Daniel Collin during his return to England, and obviously with the recent BBQ. Fear not fans, all of the action from Burgess Hills Number One social event will be uploaded once it has been screened, trawled through and cringed at for its usual ridiculous drunken activities

In two weeks time, I become Cheltenham's Favourite Minor Celebrity, and as Burgess Hill prepares to mourn my departure, so Cheltenham prepares to welcome me into her community. There will no doubt be several events to celebrate the moving in the next few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled for one final chance to say goodbye to McCarthy - until Christmas anyway